North Korean Geniuses Have Invented Hangover-Free Booze

By
NKOREA-KIM
The North Korean labs have another miracle product.Photo: AFP/2013 AFP

Not content with inventing waterproof liquid and discovering the cozy home of an ancient unicorn, North Korean scientists have outdone themselves. On Sunday, the Pyongyang Times reported (under the headline “Liquor wins quality medal for preserving national smack”) that a new drink called Koryo, made with ginseng root and scorched rice, will leave a drinker headache-less after an indulgent evening.

The Nobel Prize in Alcohol Studies should go to the researchers at Taedonggang Foodstuff Factory, whose creation is made in either 60- or 80-proof varieties and “exudes national flavour also in the shape of bottle and packaging.” Turns out that all that was required here was a little DPRK know-how: The trick is to boil the rice before scorching it, a secret that somehow evaded everyone through thousands of years of distilling. It is certainly a more impressive invention than the possibly not-real hydrogen bomb set off by North Korea last week.

Ginseng, the other key ingredient in Koryo, has also caught on in America lately. Even there, however, the DPRK has vastly outstripped the West in scientific achievement, using it as the primary ingredient in a new drug (Kumdang-2) that is reportedly capable of curing SARS, MERS, HIV/AIDS, drug addiction, cancer, and Ebola. We’re going to bet that it is also excellent for your golf game.