Latest Conspiracy Theory: Poor Health Killed Justice Scalia

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Chris Wallace Interviews U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia On "FOX News Sunday"
Justice Scalia. Photo: Paul Morigi/Getty Images

Following the death of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, some became convinced that he was murdered by shadowy forces, but it turns out the hotheaded 79-year-old longtime smoker actually had some health problems. Presidio County, Texas, district attorney Rod Ponton shared a letter from the judge’s physician with the Associated Press on Tuesday, revealing that Scalia suffered from “coronary artery disease, obesity and diabetes, among other ailments that probably contributed to the justice’s sudden death.”

We know, we know, what are those other ailments? Well, here you go: “sleep apnea, degenerative joint disease, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and high blood pressure.”

Those of you who have had the pleasure of sharing your bed with a sleep-apnea sufferer are probably thinking, Where was his CPAP machine? And one was found next to his bed — but it wasn’t turned on or in use.

This new information should be enough to assuage the many suspicious internet users out there, but if not, there’s an incident report released to the Washington Post that goes into detail on exactly how Scalia was found: three pillows stacked up to “elevate” his head, his arms at his “side atop the bed covers” and the blankets pulled up under his chin. One pillow was covering his eyes, but it appears it slid down during the night, and “did not seem to have inhibited Scalia’s breathing.”

In case you’re ever required to report the death of a Supreme Court justice, take note: That’s a far less creepy description than “We discovered the judge in bed, a pillow over his head. His bed clothes were unwrinkled.”