New York Magazine Competition No. 70: Make a Movie Tardy

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Welcome back, after a brief hiatus, to the New York Magazine Competition. On alternate Mondays (or, this week, Tuesday), we lay out a challenge and offer sample responses. Enter in the comments section or on Twitter with the hashtag we’ve provided, and the editors will select a winner. Criteria are highly subjective, but heavily retweeted and favorited posts will have an advantage. The prize is a year’s subscription to New York in print or a two-year subscription to the iPad edition (winner’s choice). Full rules are here.

COMPETITION NO. 70: “MAKE A MOVIE TARDY.” In acknowledgment of our recent delays in putting a new Competition up (sorry, folks; there have been some backstage complications that will be ending shortly), please offer a film title altered to suggest lateness. For example:

ROSEMARY’S INDUCED LABOR

STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS AT 9:30 AND OH MY GOD WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE BY NOW

HIGH NOONISH

DOG DAY AFTER AFTERNOON

Enter on Twitter with the hashtag #makeamovietardy, or in the comments thread below, by May 20.

RESULTS OF COMPETITION No. 69, LAST-WORD DEFLATION,” in which you were asked for a final-word addition that wrecks a familiar phrase or title.

HONORABLE MENTION TO:

To be or not to be circumcised.
gianna13

The Man Who Knew Too Much Already
lessadoabouteverything

It’s not personal, Sonny. It’s strictly business jargon.”
tcbaron

Baby Got Back Pain
bcomcdeezy

Just walk on by, Felicia.
3North

I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat shirts.
Periclescrystal

Let them eat cake pops!
thegreatdane

One day, we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was once like in the United States where men were free balling.
bird.dog

Dr. Livingstone, I presume nothing.
ZenQuixote

Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherized upon a table saw…
fredjack

What fresh hell is this election?
onvacation

Ethnic cleansing lotion
KathleenS

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step class.
rgqueen

… it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing presidential.
BobKopac

Was this the face that launch’d a thousand ships,
And burnt the topless towers of Ilium?
Sweet Helen, make me immortal with a kiss-off!
BENLINUS99

Quoth the raven, “Nevermore, hardly.”
RustyShackelford

The unbearable lightness of being cremated.
rmtmiller

It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World Almanac
jnj6404

We’re not in Kansas anymore, thankfully.
Lexxman

What’s in your wallet? Freeze!
j_son

You had me at hello, dipshit.
ghoslin

The Young and the Restless Leg Syndrome
flolink

One nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all parakeets.
benji

AND THE WINNER IS

Call me Ishmael McSailordork.
MiddleCoastDan