Closing Out the New York Magazine Competition: Results of No. 83

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Welcome back to the New York Magazine Competition. As some of you have speculated in the comments thread, No. 83 will be our final installment. I have greatly enjoyed carrying the great Mary Ann Madden’s creation forward for the past couple of years, and thank you all for playing. (I also apologize for the slow posting of results on the final couple of installments. I had been pulled onto other assignments, and I also got sick for a while.)

RESULTS OF COMPETITION NO. 83, in which you were asked for theories about the wrong-envelope snafu at the Oscars.

HONORABLE MENTION TO:

Kill one award with two Emma Stones.
—BENLINUS99
Ryan Lochte keeps changing his story. I smell chlorine!
—rmtmiller
There are two identical sets of envelopes, handed out from either side of the stage. Welcome to the multiverse.
—BobKopac
Check didn’t clear.
—CaptServo
“Accountants; they’re nearly all Jews.” — Mel Gibson, director, Hacksaw Ridge
—BKoplow
Cocaine is a helluva drug.
—Wallfly
Hillary ignored the Rust Belt.
—FlirtySanchez
No wrong envelope. Those Oscars were the greatest ever, the best, well-oiled machine. Enemy-of-the-people media using made-up “sources” to lie about the event. Sad!
—TheMightyMidget
Hollywood elite dumbs down.
—RustyShackelford
Someone had to do something to keep us awake!
—MikeandIke

AND THE FINAL WINNER IS:

One final, “Thanks, Obama!”
—Lexxman

Closing Out the New York Competition: Results of No. 83