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Chris Christie Caused Another Traffic Problem

"A man who claimed a member of Gov. Chris Christie's motorcade cut him off got angry enough to follow the car until the drivers hashed it out in the parking lot of the Seaside Park Police Department," the Star-Ledger reports. The aforementioned motorcade member was not Christie himself, but a state trooper tailing the governor's SUV on the way to his summer home on the Jersey Shore. The two parties reportedly talked it out and no charges were filed, just like with the other thing.

The de Blasios Did Their Goofy Family Dance Again

It's been a while since we've seen the "The Smackdown," a synchronized dance the de Blasios busted out more than a couple times while Bill was running for mayor last year. For the uninitiated: The Smackdown is an unusual routine that involves hand-waving, hand-licking, pavement-slapping, and leaping high into the air. While the dance's origins are unclear, the sheer goofiness of it is something that some people might be tempted to leave behind on the campaign trail. Not the de Blasios! As events such as the Mermaid Parade have taught us, these people are deeply committed to family fun, so we weren't too surprised to see Bill, Chirlane, Chiara, and Dante bring back The Smackdown at Monday's West Indian Day Parade.

There is video. »

Rick Perry Says He Didn't Mean to Tweet About How His Political Enemy Is 'the Most Drunk Democrat in Texas'

While most Americans were out enjoying the long weekend, Rick Perry, or some person with access to Rick Perry's personal Twitter account, was stewing over his recent felony indictment. Perry's two abuse of power charges are the result of a showdown with Travis County District Attorney Rosemary Lehmburg, a Democrat who was caught driving drunk last year. After Lehmburg's arrest, Perry threatened to slash her office's budget unless she gave her up job. Lehmburg refused to resign, so Perry withheld the money — and that's why we now have a glasses-free mugshot of the Texas governor. It's also why we now have the especially dumb beer ad parody that Perry tweeted in the middle of Sunday night.

"I don't always drive drunk at 3X the legal blood limit..." »

Ted Cruz Just Lost the Bronx

If Ted Cruz had any supporters in the Bronx, he has certainly lost them now. During a Saturday speech at something called the Americans for Prosperity's Defending the American Dream Summit, Cruz used a dig at the borough to criticize New York Senator Chuck Schumer's position on immigration reform. "Now, I understand that Manhattan is very concerned with their security with the Bronx, but it's a little bit different on 2,000 miles of the Rio Grande," said the Texas tea partier, whose knowledge of the area is probably entirely based on a single late-night viewing of Fort Apache, the Bronx.

"Grow up." »

Fancy Upper West Side Building Won't Let Dogs Put Their Sweet Little Paws on the Floor of the Lobby

According to the New York Post, the management of 62nd Street's Hawthorn Park requires dog owners to carry their pets through the 339-unit building's lobby, lest they "urinate or pass stool" or otherwise sully the "gleaming white marble" floor. Dogs also aren't allowed in Hawthorn Park's regular elevators, and must instead use the service elevators like commoners. Maybe the canine residents should just make like they're in Jersey and set the place on fire.

Libyan Militants Really Enjoying the Pool at the American Embassy in Tripoli

Back in July, the United States embassy in Tripoli was evacuated due to concerns about the escalating violence in Libya. On Sunday, it was reported that Libyan militiamen had broken into a residential compound previously occupied by the now absent American diplomats. While the embassy itself, located some distance away, is said to be secure and under the protection of Libyan guards, it seems that the trespassers are really making themselves at home in their newly acquired living quarters. In fact, they're having a pool party!

Looks fun. »

Joan Rivers Reportedly on Life Support

Legendary funny lady Joan Rivers has been in a medically induced coma since Thursday, when she went into cardiac and respiratory arrest during a routine procedure at a doctor's office. Now, TMZ reports that she has been put on life support as her family keeps vigil at Manhattan's Mount Sinai Hospital. In a statement on Thursday, daughter Melissa Rivers said that her mother is "resting comfortably" and asked that people keep her in their thoughts and prayers. The most recent statement released through Mount Sinai on Sunday afternoon also had no update on her condition. In it, however, Melissa said, “We are keeping our fingers crossed.” So are we.

Unhinged St. Louis Cop Who Pushed Don Lemon Retires With Full Benefits

St. Louis County police officer Dan Page was recently suspended from work after a completely unhinged video of him ranting about black people, gay people, women, Muslims, President Obama, and various conspiracy theories emerged online. "I've killed a lot," declared Page, who first caught the media's attention when he pushed CNN anchor Don Lemon during a demonstration in Ferguson. "And if I need to, I'll kill a whole bunch more." The St. Louis County Police Department's internal review of Page was set to begin last week, but MSNBC reports that he decided to avoid further scrutiny by simply retiring.

At least he's no longer out there "protecting and serving." »

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