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Nice Doggy Probably Didn’t Mean to Set the House on Fire

"A fire broke out in a home on Norwood Drive Friday night after a dog accidentally turned on a stove which then burnt a laptop that was on top of the stove," the Asbury Park Press reports. Firefighters responding to reports of smoke coming from the roof of the house put out the blaze and rescued the pet, who was home alone. We're sure the dog didn't mean to do anything bad, because all dogs are good. Still, his owners might want to spend more time playing fetch and less time looking at Facebook. 

Russian Tourist Who Climbed the Brooklyn Bridge Might Have to Clean It

Last week, a 24-year-old jorts-wearing Russian tourist named Yaroslav Kolchin scaled the Brooklyn Bridge in broad daylight, took some photos with his iPhone, and was promptly taken into police custody. After missing his flight back to Moscow and spending a week behind bars, Kolchin appeared in a Brooklyn court on Friday to learn more about the legal consequences of his big American adventure.

"If he likes the bridge so much, let him clean a bridge." »

Time Warner Pulls Out of Vice Negotiations; A&E Steps In

The old media giant’s plan to buy a big stake in Vice, and potentially give it control of Time Warner network HLN, have broken down, the New York Times reports, “after the two companies were unable to agree on a valuation.” Rupert Murdoch previously invested at a valuation of more than $1 billion, while initial reports put Vice’s worth in this deal between $2 billion and $3 billion. Instead, A&E, owned jointly by Disney and Hearst, will buy a ten percent stake for $250 million, putting the company’s value right at $2.5 billion.

Eternally Outraged Congressman Not Trying to Be ‘Trivial,’ But Doesn’t Think Obama’s Tan Suit Was Appropriate

President Obama’s ugly beige suit has quickly gone from stupid joke — “The president stands squarely behind the decision he made yesterday to wear his summer suit,” the White House press secretary said today — to stupid faux controversy thanks to who else but Long Island Republican Representative Peter King. “There’s no way, I don’t think, any of us can excuse what the president did yesterday. I mean, you have the world watching,” said King on right-wing internet TV today.

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