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  • Posted 11/19/09 at 2:01 PM

Fangs for the Memories: Swooning Over New Moon

Fangs for the Memories: Swooning Over New Moon

Photo: Summit Entertainment

This is why I love seeing movies in theaters instead of on television monitors, even humongous ones: The hysteria over New Moon — a rather turgid genre chick-flick that under different circumstances would attract scant notice — will turn all screenings for the next week into Big Events. My Lord, after seeing Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson on every magazine cover but this one and Bon Appétit’s, even I, a skeptical 50-year-old male, felt my heart leap at the pair’s first appearance onscreen. I felt privileged to behold them — and, given the fanatical demand for tickets, I was. Their giant heads loomed so very large ... even bored, I was spellbound.

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  • Posted 11/11/09 at 4:27 PM

Aboooooorrrrttttyaaahhhh 2012

Courtesy of Columbia Pictures

Courtesy of Columbia Pictures

In 2012, explosions on the sun send out neutrinos that essentially microwave the Earth’s core and make the crust crack and shift and the oceans rise and sweep over the continents killing hundreds of billions of people (and animals) and make John Cusack wonder if his two kids like his ex-wife Amanda Peet’s boyfriend so much that there'll be no place for him in their lives anymore. As in all Emmerich movies — Independence Day, Godzilla, The Day After Tomorrow — the spectacle of cities and humans being annihilated alternates with Love Boat–like scenes in which disparate characters — old, very young, black, white, Indian, the president — struggle to muster the courage to express their, you know, feelings.

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  • Posted 11/4/09 at 9:12 PM

A Travesty of a Mockery of a Sham of a Mockery of a Travesty of Two Mockeries of a Sham

Mark Graham at Vulture reports that Fox Searchlight has canceled its rollout of Jared Hess's Gentlemen Broncos because of savage reviews. To hell with those reviews. And to hell with Fox Searchlight for losing heart. This is among the wildest and bravest comedies I've seen in years. Sure, some of Hess’s gross-out gags are heavy-handed, and the grotesquery is laid on too thick. But even at its campiest, there's a serious theme. Vastly disparate sexual issues are being worked out through outlandish fantasies — freaky, psychedelic enactments of the hero's novels that are so visionary and intense that they hurtle past Freud into a Jung-like mythical dimension. Gentlemen Broncos is a leap over Napoleon Dynamite and Nacho Libre. Now, Hess doesn’t just gaze on paralyzed nerds from the outside; he takes you into their heads and gives form to their alienation from the physical world. It used to be that movies this ambitiously bizarre could find a home in midnight screenings and develop fanatical cults. Now they go straight to DVD — which deprives us of the fun of experiencing them with a responsive audience. See the movie before it goes away. And Fox Searchlight: Reconsider. There must be a way to help this picture find an audience.

  • Posted 11/3/09 at 1:50 PM

When Push Comes to Shove — and Shove Back, Hard

Some readers (and a posse led by Latoya Peterson at Jezebel) are angered by my review of Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire. They believe my language reflects deep and both conscious and unconscious prejudices toward African-Americans, obesity, and the so-called “underclass.” Defending myself against those charges (as well as outright abuse) is bound to be a losing battle, but I respect the feelings of Peterson and many of her commenters (the least abusive, anyway) and am sick at the thought that my attempts to evoke this movie have been viewed so harshly — and, I believe, unfairly.

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Come See The Chapman Report at BAM Tonight (and Me, Too)

Tonight at BAM at 6:50 I’m going to introduce the rarely screened (and unavailable on DVD) 1962 drama The Chapman Report, directed by George Cukor. It’s part of a 1962 series hatched by New York Film Critics Circle president chairman Armond White and the nice folks at BAMCinématek to celebrate the circle’s 75th anniversary. Why 1962? That was the year that — because of a newspaper strike — the NYFCC gave out no awards. Beyond that, it was a year when the culture was teetering between two violently disparate eras and the cinema was beginning to reflect the tension. No film is more quintessentially 1962 — in its strengths and weaknesses — than The Chapman Report.

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  • Posted 11/2/09 at 10:58 AM

Boo!

My kids thought I was a ghost for Halloween this year — I didn't tell them I was actually Michael Myers on the verge of strangling a topless P.J. Soles with a telephone cord. I turned a lot of heads in Park Slope. Little kids were terrified. I upstaged people in amazing getups. A sheet over one's head is the Ur-Halloween costume, but no one ever thinks of it anymore. Are there KKK associations? Something creeped people out. You'd think they'd seen a ghost.

  • Posted 10/28/09 at 8:45 PM

Ghoul Candy: A Tasty House of the Devil and Other Halloween Treats

Ghoul Candy: A Tasty House of the Devil  and Other Halloween Treats

Photo: Magnolia Pictures

More than three decades after I gave up candy, Halloween is still my super-favorite holiday, giving me an excuse to put the rest of my life on hold and revert to the Famous Monsters of Filmland–reading adolescent who dreamed of doing nothing but watching horror movies — by which I mean ghost and monster and mad-scientist movies, not newfangled, generally mindless plague films or hack-’em-ups1 or torture porn2. Just what we need: more films to make us feel even worse about our society at a time when we’ve got at least a shot —pace James Howard Kunstler — at pulling things together. At least the Little Movie That Could (after brilliant viral marketing), Paranormal Activity, for all its absurdities, reminds us of what drew us to ghost stories in the first place: the bump in the night.

In the same old-fashioned non-doomsday mode, Ti West’s The House of the Devil opens Friday, and on its own modest B-movie terms, it’s a dandy. Apart from one serious (and shocking) explosion of gore, it’s an ode to seventies gothic, female-oriented horror films in which less is more. Desperate for money, college sophomore Sam (Jocelin Donahue) answers an ad for a babysitter, and, along with her pal Megan (Greta Gerwig), heads deep into the woods to the old manse of — wait for it — Tom Noonan and Mary Woronov. The doleful giant Noonan seems very regretful about what is about to happen. But there is that imminent eclipse of the moon, and his wife and (unseen) mother-in-law are breathing down his neck for ... what?

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  • Posted 10/28/09 at 2:12 PM

The Art of Work: Michael Jackson’s Inspiring This Is It

Courtesy of Sony Pictures

Courtesy of Sony Pictures

Good news: The assembly of Michael Jackson rehearsal footage bearing the apt title This Is It does not play like the work of necrophiliac greedheads squeezing the last dollar out of a moonwalking skeleton. It’s vivid, illuminating, and sometimes — more often than you’d think possible — inspiring. Despite the (anonymous) reports in the days after Jackson’s death of his inability to rise to the occasion, the prospective London concert series that consumed his final months doesn’t look to have been an inherently doomed enterprise. Touch and go, certainly. But Jackson’s discipline and drive outlasted his body. He wanted one last time to go onstage and be as he was.

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  • Posted 10/2/09 at 2:01 PM

Black Friday

I'd intended to blog on the New York Film Festival today but took the wrong cold medicine last night and spent the next eight hours on the couch in front of the TV. I'd like to say I plucked one of my fabulous Kino box sets from the pile and filled in the gaps in my Murnau, but it was mostly a semi-stoned voyage through the late-night bowels of cable movie channels. I recall something with the kid from American Beauty following around with a video camera a serial killer who'd kidnapped his mom (!), some bikers killing supposed high-school students in the desert, nutberg Mark Wahlberg pawing a nubile young Reese Witherspoon and getting chucked out the window by William Peterson, a cut-rate alien in a sub menacing Robocop and Amanda Pays, a scientist who kept killing and reanimating his assistant for no clear reason, a Most Dangerous Game update with a serial killer hunting a naked woman in the Rockies, Jack Bauer's uninteresting daughter getting tortured by serial killers, Jack Bauer himself as a telepath hunting a serial killer ... I did rewatch, for the tenth time, the last 45 minutes of Carl Franklin's classic thriller One False Move, with its increasingly canted angles and nearly unbearable suspense (even if you know what's coming), Michael Beach and Billy Bob Thornton (who co-wrote the film) as among the coldest and scariest killers in film, and Bill Paxton — maybe the most sheerly likable of modern leading men, back then and now, as a harried Mormon. The bloody final confrontation takes less than half a minute, yet you'd be pressed to find its like for pure catharsis. I hate to admit I hadn't seen all of Showgirls, but I finally, finally got through it after stopping every fifteen minutes when Elizabeth Berkeley's big teeth got too much and coming back after watching part of another serial-killer movie. Gina Gershon hissing in Berkeley's face reminded me of the giant Komodo spitting at the giant cobra in another movie I caught in stroboscopic flashes ... Truly a dark night of the soul ...

But then I read something that renewed my faith ...

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  • Posted 9/29/09 at 12:06 PM

Spotty New York Film Festival Blogging: Lars von Trier’s Daft Antichrist

Zentropa Entertainments

Zentropa Entertainments

It turns out what they say about Willem Dafoe is true: The man has a schlong the size of an oil tanker.* [see update below] Charlotte Gainsborough’s pudendum is nothing to sneeze at, either. Too bad both sets of privates get mutilated in close-up.

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  • Posted 9/27/09 at 2:20 PM

The Arrest of Roman Polanski

Roman Polanski has been arrested in Switzerland and will reportedly be flown to Los Angeles to stand trial after 35 years. This is as it should be — alas. But it didn’t have to go down this way. The excellent documentary Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired did not minimize the horrific nature of the crime, but also made a good case against the late judge who held up a plea agreement between Polanski and the prosecutor. Now, there will be a lot of grandstanding by idiots, who will say that Polanski is worse than the likes of Peter Braunstein and should be thrown in prison for the remainder of his life.

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  • Posted 9/23/09 at 12:56 PM

Filthy Lucre: Capitalism: A Love Story

The big blowhard Michael Moore is a hugely successful left-wing carnival barker in a culture of right-wing carnival barkers, and for that he deserves our admiration. He has, it is true, been caught playing fast and loose with timelines — not a negligible crime. But he rarely stoops to the level on which his rivals permanently reside: He’s obnoxious but not corrupt. He doesn’t spew talking points. He’s out there, on the streets, corralling evidence to support his theses (or thesis — there’s really only one). And he is, point for point, difficult to refute. His new cinematic circus, Capitalism: A Love Story, is the film to which he has been building for the last two decades. It’s sprawling, scattershot, sniggery, and, in one instance, exploitative. It’s brazenly one-sided. But Moore calls questions that no one else in the mainstream corporate media goes near. His other films focused on symptoms. This one tackles what he sees as the disease.

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  • Posted 9/15/09 at 10:04 AM

The Time of Our Lives: Remembering Patrick Swayze

In Dirty Dancing, Patrick Swayze combined brawny physicality and feline grace in a way that made millions of women (and a lot of men) weak in the knees. That’s still a singular feat in American movies, where there has always been a schism between hoofers and jocks. Swayze behaved as if the divide never existed. His persona was fluid — and irony-free.

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  • Posted 9/2/09 at 6:14 PM

No Impact Man and the Idiotocracy

On Tuesday night, I got to moderate a spirited Q&A at the Pelham Picture House with Laura Gabbert, co-director of the documentary No Impact Man (opening 9/11 at the Angelika), and Michele Conlin, wife of the film’s main subject, Colin Beavan. (She looms large in the movie as well.) I’m now reading Beavan’s book, which carries the chewy subtitle: “The Adventures of a Guilty Liberal Who Attempts to Save the Planet and the Discoveries He Makes About Himself and His Way of Life in the Process.” It’s an entertaining, amusing, provocative film (I’ll be reviewing it in next week’s mag), but one of its most fascinating aspects was, for me, upsettingly evocative. Beavan’s project — to live with his wife and young daughter in Manhattan and yet, for a year, never take an elevator or drive or watch TV or buy clothes or eat anything grown non-locally, etc. — makes him a figure of fun in the media and among his friends and acquaintances. Almost from the start he needs to defend his project — and himself.

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  • Posted 8/28/09 at 3:59 PM

Midnight in the Garden ...

Snapshot of a 12:05 a.m., August 28, 2009, Halloween II show at the Pavilion Theater, Park Slope/Windsor Terrace, Brooklyn: More people going into the 3-D Final Destination movie, also screening a little after midnight. Whole families. Young kids. I guess there were no midnight 3-D Pixar movies tonight. There’s a little girl at Halloween II as well, maybe 8 years old. I saw a 4-year-old at Sin City, so nothing surprises me anymore. But I feel sick about what kids — who don’t need to know how deeply sick the world is — have to process nowadays. I know they’re no angels; I’ve read Lord of the Flies. I know babysitters are expensive. But sometimes I dream of a little less capitalist laissez-faire and a little more nanny-state finger-wagging. I look at those parents and think how fun it would be to see a scene in a hack-‘em-up in which a mom and dad take a little kid to an R-rated slasher movie and get sliced and diced while their tot laughs and eats another Milk Dud ...

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  • Posted 8/28/09 at 12:36 PM

Garish Priest: Rob Zombie’s numbing Halloween II

Garish Priest: Rob Zombie’s numbing Halloween II

Photo: Dimension Films

Two years after Rob Zombie’s misshapen but ferocious and often striking Halloween remake comes the aggressively unpleasant Halloween II, which is basically Zombie trying to hack his way out of John Carpenter’s smooth, well-ordered universe with a machete and going nowhere slowly—and loudly, and savagely. There have been far more pointless movies in this genre, but none in which the plotting has seemed so random, so — if you’ll pardon the expression — helter-skelter. Freed from the original Halloween template, Zombie is aiming for something hallucinatory, almost abstract: a tone poem of madness and sadism and family ties that bind (and garrote). But the picture runs out of ideas about halfway through, and what’s left is splatter in a void.

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  • Posted 8/27/09 at 2:38 PM

The September Issue: Queen of the Undead vs. Mother Hubbard

Courtesy of A&E IndieFilms

Courtesy of A&E IndieFilms

R.J. Cutler’s slick new behind-the-scenes-of-Vogue documentary The September Issue is alternately depressing and “amusing” — the latter adjective, in this context, loaded, since editor Anna Wintour cites it as her highbrow, politically progressive family’s characterization of her superficial specialty. The film presents itself as a fly-on-the-wall look at the most powerful woman in the fashion industry as she prepares the most titanic magazine issue (September 2007) of her career. But vérité-shmérité, this thing is crafty. It’s shaped as a battle between darkness and light.

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  • Posted 8/27/09 at 12:41 PM

Gimme Gimme Good Killin’

Halloween II, courtesy of Dimension Films.

Halloween II, courtesy of Dimension Films.

Dan Kois has a nice meditation on studios choosing not to screen genre movies for critics, which is bad luck for this one especially: My deadline for the print mag is always eight or nine days before the film’s release. That’s why I didn’t review Step Brothers in print and, in a misplaced fit of pique, didn’t even see it until it showed up on DVD — and became one of my favorite movies of last year. It’s not entirely the studios’ fault. A lot of critics do routinely pan lowbrow comedies and exploitation sequels, which tend to have big first weekends even if they suck. But I very much wanted to see Halloween II in mid-August and do a Q&A with Rob Zombie, who never has much to say on his commentary tracks beyond the logistics of particular shots. I’d love to know more about the thinking behind the sadism in films like The Devil’s Rejects and the underrated (even by Zombie) House of 1,000 Corpses. Even when I’m squirming (often), I’m in awe of his in-your-face, kinetic way of shooting. The Rotten Tomatoes misclassification of my Agenda Pick as a “review” was unfortunate, leading not just to Zombie’s 100 percent Tomatometer reading, but to several commenters noting it was a piss-poor excuse for a piece of criticism. Gee, no shit. (It wasn’t RT’s fault, since the review was mislabeled on our site, because … oh, never mind.)

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  • Posted 8/26/09 at 4:44 PM

Taking Woodstock: An Opportunity Sooo Wasted

Courtesy of Focus Features

Courtesy of Focus Features

Ang Lee’s last film was called Lust/Caution, which is an apt description of the play in all his work — even Hulk — between yielding to messy (often sexual) feelings and exercising discipline, holding back. He’s among the last directors I’d have thought would want to make a movie about the 1969 Woodstock festival, which was, at least in the popular imagination, all yielding and no holding. But it’s easy to see why Elliot Tiber’s memoir Taking Woodstock (written with Tom Monte) caught his fancy. Its voice is temperate, its true subject the impact of the festival on a closeted young gay man who’s finally emboldened to let it all hang out. Tiber, Teichberg, was heir to his parents’ seedy, debt-ridden Catskills motel, and when the proposed Woodstock festival was expelled from several New York towns whose elders feared a glut of filthy, nasty hippies, he saw an opportunity. Tiber had a permit for a very modest music festival of his own in White Lake, near Bethel, and he found the Woodstock planners a spot at Max Yasgur’s nearby farm. His parents’ motel became a hub; the money poured in; and in spite of the locals’ anti-Semitic threats, by the time Joni Mitchell got to Woodstock the kids were stardust, golden, and half a million strong.

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  • Posted 8/14/09 at 1:08 PM

Something For Everyone: Tykes, Romantics, Splatter Mavens

There are so many good movies around this weekend that I'm burbling like Julia Child. If you're in NYC, don't miss Azur & Asma, at the ungodly hour of 10 a.m. at the IFC Center as part of the NY Int'l Children's Film Festival. You might recall that this film was added retroactively to my 10 (now 12) Best List of 2008. As a sucker for time-travel romances, I found The Time Traveler's Wife the best now-you-see-him-now-he's-years-away the best sci-fi weeper since Somewhere in Time. And dig those tall shrimp-from-outer-space in the splendidly splattery South African apartheid allegory District 9. As Julia so memorably put it, Bon appetit!

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