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Archive of Superlatives

11/ 7/06

9:25 AM

Superlatives 

It's the Early and Often Awards!

Photograph courtesy of Spectre Studios

What began as one of the dullest campaigns in recent memory (even for New York) has happily morphed into one of the best midterm elections ever. We thank Bernie and the boat for starting us off right. To properly remember these tumultuous six weeks, Early and Often decided to award those who made this election interesting. Our talisman is the Mark Foley doll, the symbol of all that was horrifying, fun, and deliciously democratic this year. Happy Election Day!

Best Campaign: John Hall
From crunchy seventies pop-rocker to strong contender against an entrenched incumbent, he shocked the Hudson Valley.

Best Dis: KT McFarland
The failed challenger in the Republican Senate primary scored in a debate with John Spencer, who left his wife for his secretary while mayor of Yonkers. "John, you taxed and spent like Hillary, and you behaved like Bill."

Most Sympathetic Scandal: Alan Hevesi
If there had been any other competitive statewide races, this one would've stayed on the blogs, where it belonged.

Most Inspiring Ad: Andrea Stuart Cousins, "18 votes"
Not the most high-profile race, but this spot's simple message of a democracy of individuals where every vote counts is just too damn moving.

Most Depressing Ad: John Sweeney, "No Honor"
He accused his opponent of harassing his wife, Gayle, two weeks before it was revealed she once called 911 because he was "knocking her around."

Best Liar: Vito Fossella
The Republican incumbent in the Thirteenth District accused his opponent, Steve Harrison, of "putting terrorist rights above the safety of you and your family."

Biggest Liability: Al Pirro
The man got pulled over for speeding just to show Jeanine how much he loved her.

Best Underminer: Bernie Kerik
He's like old gum you just can't stop stepping in.

Best Victim: Gayle Sweeney
First Congressman John Sweeney is accused of roughing up his wife, then he conscripts her for damage control when it becomes a scandal. Maybe there's a burning bed in John's future? You go, Gayle!

Most Lovable Loser: John Faso
His conservative Republican views may be out of step with the beliefs of most New Yorkers, but he stood by his principles and never slunk into the slime his party spread in nearly every other race.

Least Lovable Loser: John Spencer
He ran ads against Hillary that showed pictures of Osama and then made fun of her looks. This guy's all class.

Candidate Who Looked Best on a Cross: Jeanine Pirro

Candidate Who Looks Best Wearing One: Hillary Clinton

Best Comeback: Tom Reynolds
Left for dead after the Foley scandal, he ascended back into contention by keeping it local.

Best Gaffe: John Faso
In the first gubernatorial debate with Eliot Spitzer, Faso said his opponent would "force gay marriage down the throats of many New Yorkers."

Biggest Family Disappointment: Andrew Cuomo
His campaign slogan could have been, "I can handle things! I'm smart! Not like everybody says … like dumb … I'm smart and I want respect!"

Best Accessorizer: Chris Callaghan
The bow tie is more memorable than the man himself.

Best Promise: Eliot Spitzer Will Makes the Knicks Win
In Spitzer's "Remember New York" ad, there's an image of the Knicks from back in the Bill Bradley–Clyde Frazier days. Does this mean our new governor will bring sports teams under state control? We hope so. Only he can succeed where Larry Brown failed.

Best Triangulation: Hillary on Gay Marriage
First she was against it, but when Spitzer took a hard stand for it, she claimed she's "evolved" but still isn't exactly for it. She's smooooove.

Best Field Promotion: Nicholas Acquafredda
Carol Hevesi's "chauffeur" thought he was just a driver.

Best Auto-Pilot: Hillary Clinton
Where Spitzer acted like he had the fate of the world on his shoulders, Hillary acted like she was just here to make the other little Democrats feel cool.

The Most Bestest Day We'll Ever Have in New York: Eliot Spitzer's day one.

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