If unsourced and wildly improbable rumors are to be believed, the Knicks brass may be planning to improve their chances in the LeBron James free agency sweepstakes by offering the league MVP his very own channel on Cablevision — a potentially huge revenue source that would circumvent the NBA salary cap. We doubt it will ever see the light of day, but we’ve got some ideas just in case. Below, our top ten LeBron TV shows, starting with the ones we would actually watch, and then moving on to, well, you’ll see.
The Lounge With King James and Coach Pornstache
Lebron and Mike D’Antoni wear smoking jackets and discuss the pleasures and trials of life in the city.
World Wide Wes
The renowned NBA fixer and LeBron pal hosts a Sunday-morning political roundtable.
LeBron, Personal Trainer
LeBron polishes up the game of a New York playground duffer.
The Amazing Race
LeBron attempts to spend a million dollars on a single night out in Manhattan with league commissioner and notorious nerd David Stern salting his game.
An announcer hypnotically reads the amounts of various commodities Lebron’s money can buy. (“Pork futures: all of them.”)
Crime Scene Investigation: Madison Square
A Nike exec (Gary Sinise) tracks down and destroys tapes of LeBron being dunked on in practice à la Jordan Crawford. In every episode, Stephon Marbury’s semen is discovered somewhere weird.
Jordan Crawford Washes LeBron’s Cars
Jordan Crawford washes LeBron’s cars.
Meet the Other Knicks
LeBron introduces viewers to his teammates, asking them about their favorite foods and what they would do, programming-wise, if they had their own cable channel.
Just a good show. He should bring it back.
State Farm and the Upper-Deck Company Present Coca-Cola and Nike, Sponsored by Gatorade
Obviously, the only thing on this list that might actually end up on the channel.