We had grand designs of the various Sports Section staffers, all of whom cheer for different baseball teams, facing off this October, ending every meeting with headlocks, Indian burns, and nunchackus. But Ben Mathis-Lilley's Tigers went down, Ira Boudway's Red Sox flopped in Game 1 against the Angels, and horrible, horrible things happened to Will Leitch's Cardinals. At least Joe DeLessio's Yankees — they're the team with the new stadium — are holding up their end. Which is good, because as much as we might like to write about Rick Ankiel, Brandon Inge, and Daniel Bard all the time, we probably can't.
Anyhoo! Here's what happened this week:
Mark Sanchez finally lost. Derek Jeter got another love letter. The Braves insulted the Mets. Eli Manning kind of got hurt. Bill Simmons's pal JackO got his own index. MLB.com made our brain hurt. Braylon Edwards came to town. George Lopez and Chip Caray stole your soul. A-Rod didn't suck. Darko Milicic earned a new fan. Rush Limbaugh made more black people angry.
And we ran out of proper nouns. Enjoy the games this weekend. See you Monday morning. Unless someone releases a weapons-grade strain of anthrax. But, you know, that seems unlikely.