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if he dies he dies

Allow Mikhail Prokhorov to Reintroduce Himself

We're sure there's not a Nets fan alive who isn't already familiar with Mikhail Prokhorov, the team's awesome new Russian billionaire owner. But now that he's been officially approved by the league's other owners, prepare yourself for the Mikhail Prokhorov Media Blitz.

Tonight, Prokhorov will represent the Nets at the NBA Draft Lottery, in which they have a 25 percent chance of winning the John Wall Sweepstakes. (The Knicks, we'll remind you, have a zero percent chance, because somebody traded their first-round pick for Stephon Marbury six years ago.) Then tomorrow, he'll chat with Mike Francesa at 2 p.m. — an interview so promisingly epic that even the Nets' website is hyping it. (Speaking of the Nets' website, we were disappointed to learn that the team's Prokhorov Tracker 1.0 is little more than a collection of links, and not a GPS-based application that allows us to see which strip club he's currently patronizing follow his every move.)

In the meantime, he's recorded the below video for Nets fans. In it, he says that if all goes according to plan, he expects the Nets to be in the playoffs next year and to be champions within five years, maximum. Also, he doesn't crack a smile once, not even when saying the phrase "the excitement is with the Nets." The excitement is with the Nets, indeed.