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charles oakley

Charles Oakley Is Staying Out Of Trouble

Someday, when Charles Oakley is 94, he's going to end up being arrested for a scuffle with nursing home orderlies. (Hopefully these orderlies.) The former Knicks/Bulls/Raptors/AARP human-clothesliner had another scuffle this weekend, this time in Vegas. It was the sort of scuffle retired players who spend most of their time walking a couple of feet behind Michael Jordan get into; he alleges he was beaten by Aria hotel security in Las Vegas because he sneaked into the wrong VIP pool. He is suing, because someday, we, or our children, or our children's children, will be able to live in a world where VIP pools at fancy Vegas casinos are open to everyone, for chicken fights and Marco Polo and also maybe some anonymous sex. Today's Charles Oakley sues people rather than punches them, a mellowing we first noticed when he didn't murder us and A.J. Daulerio when he had the chance a few years ago. We wish him luck in his lawsuit. The lawsuit that Charles Oakley is filing because some guys beat him up.

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