Knicks fans despaired this off-season when one of their beloved own — a young cult hero turned productive rotation player — was snatched away by the Houston Rockets. Josh Harrellson (who'd you think I was talking about?) was sent to the Rockets back in July as part of the package exchanged for Marcus Camby. Harrellson's inclusion in that deal was heartbreaking; "Jorts" is more than just a hilariously avid wearer of jean shorts/hideous boots/hideous mustaches, a gifted flatulist, a hunting enthusiast, and a saver of lives (seriously, though). He's a promising young big man — a rowdy presence in the paint who can defend, rebound, and step out to sink open jumpers. He's got a future in the NBA, I think.
It won't, of course, be with the Knicks. Even though the Rockets promptly cut him following the trade, and even though the Knicks have an open roster spot and room in the frontcourt depth chart, New York cannot sign Jorts this off-season. They're not allowed to employ him for a full year after trading him. Thus, Jorts has been in search of a job all summer. In recent weeks, he'd participated in a couple of workouts in Miami while Knicks fans crossed their fingers that he'd get a job (because he deserves one), but for a distant, harmless team, not the Heat (because they don't deserve him).
Alas, Miami saw something in young Harrellson and announced today that they'd officially signed Jorts. Woe is us. Congratulations to Jorts, though. With luck, he'll spend his year in Miami quietly sabotaging the Heat's quest to defend their championship (with his farts, of course), then return to New York next summer with several taxidermied alligators and all sorts of Heat secrets to share. We'll miss you, Jorts.