Last night, exiled former NFL wide receiver Terrell Owens said on Twitter that he'd like to join the New York Jets. Here is a list of better options for the Jets: Plaxico Burress, Burgess Meredith, Meredith Baxter-Birney, Bernie Madoff, Madeline Kahn. Tim Tebow's father; Father Guido Sarducci; the infant son of reality television star Nicole Polizzi; Nicole Kidman; the jellyfish that stings Zac Efron in The Paperboy that requires Nicole Kidman to urinate on him; any other jellyfish, living or dead, real or fictional. Mack Owens, Owen Wilson, Owen Meany. Anyone else with the initials T.O.; anyone who has ever had TB. All current members of the Obama Cabinet, with the possible exception of Labor Secretary Hilda Solis, only because she's too busy manipulating job statistics. Also, all Muppets, including Elmo but excluding those yepyepyepyepyepyepyepyep alien things. Also: You. You are a better option for the New York Jets than Terrell Owens. It's a bad idea is what we're saying.
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