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Heaven, With Hangers


Alex Roy
Retired Rally Race-Car Driver, East Village

What was the birth of this closet?
When I moved in, my apartment was rawer than raw—like tough-guy raw. No AC, no heat. Just a toilet and spigot. The first thing I did was make closets.

Was it worth the splurge?
I hired Melanie from Clos-ette, and it’s the nicest room in my house. People are always migrating there. Closets are the new kitchens; it’s where people hang out at parties.

Nice helmets.
I’m a retired rally race-car driver. My record for driving from New York to L.A. is 31 hours and four minutes. Our average speed was 90.4 mph. That includes stops.

Isn’t rally race-car driving illegal?
Well, officially, I never did it. I’m also meticulous about planning my drives: I have six GPSs and thermal night-vision cameras so we can drive without lights at night. When I broke the record, I couldn’t tell anyone for a year, until after the statute of limitations.

So you keep your gear in your closet?
My helmets, police badges, and expired registrations are in the front. I organize it so that when people walk in they think, “Oh, cool guy!”

What else does your closet reveal about you?
I have a milk crate of ex-girlfriends’ stuff that I couldn’t identify but couldn’t bear to throw away. When my male friends get married, their porn collections come to my house. I keep them in a secret hatch and use the videos to tip delivery guys.

Speaking of manly, do you have tons of fans?
I’m pretty famous here in New York. C-minus famous, but famous. I’m even more famous among law enforcement.

You mean infamous?
Actually, they love me. A Brooklyn narcotics director said, “I read your book to my son in bed; I love it.” I was also in the wedding party of a New Jersey sheriff. He was a fan and just called me up.

Has your closet helped your own dating life?
I’ve had a fantastic collection of girlfriends over the years, and the first thing they all say is, “I can’t wait to have a closet like this.”

So you’d recommend it?
In the old days, you’d buy a fancy car as your bling. Nowadays that’s tacky. You get a nice closet.


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