K: I called a meeting.
P: She comes in here: “Uncle Phil, I want to see you.”
K: You were shocked. Your jaw was on the floor. You were like, “You’re calling a meeting with me?” I was like, “Why, haven’t we got enough? Why is it sold out?” It all sold out in the first day.
P: She was, “Oh, we haven’t bought enough.”
K: I’m not just like playing around. I’m trying to be a businesswoman as well. I am!
P: Let me tell you something about how this all works. Last summer, we’re in Ibiza. And I have not been in Ibiza for five years.
K: Oh, shush.
P: So I decide to go to Ibiza, and this is how freaky it is …
K: The tide had come in, and we were completely stranded. Like refugees. And then I saw this massive boat go speeding past and I was like, That’s Uncle Phil, I know it is.
P: Two minutes later, the phone rings: “Uncle Phil. We’re shipwrecked.” And there’s Kate. On a rock. Seriously!
K: It is like that, though. It just happens.
P: It is funny. We do have fun. It works well. Everybody’s happy.
K: We get the job done.
P: If I hate it, I say, “Oh, God, it’s horrible.”
K: He does not beat around the bush. I’d much prefer someone to say “Oh, that’s shit.” So it’s really nice, honestly. And my name has become a brand, an entity. “I want to have the world of … ” Can you imagine? [Laughs] Like Ralph Lauren!
[Messenger arrives with a floor-length Alexander McQueen green velvet dress.]
P: This was a charity fashion show. I bought this for a present for Kate.
K: It is amazing. Look at it. It is so beautiful.
P: I paid a lot of money for that. They wanted to auction it, and I said I’m going to buy that for Kate as a present. I think you should wear that to the Metropolitan ball.
K: I can wear it now that I’ve got it. Oh, Uncle Phil. Thank you.
P: And then if you get drunk, there’s about three yards we can cut off. It is hellishly long.
K: I can just chop a bit off. I love a train.
P: Put it on.
K: What, now?
P: Yes. Go on, put it on.
K: I’m dying to put it on.
P: That’s what we do.
K: Clothes are my favorite thing in the world. I love clothes. It’s my favorite thing in the entire world.
[Kate puts on the dress].
P: Kate! It’s a total showstopper. Come on. Let me see.
K: It’s gorgeous.
P: Turn around.
K: Oh, it is gorge. I need a few alterations.
P: It’s better than amazing.
K: Okay. But my boobs are too big!
P: Oh my God! How exciting! Now you’ve got titties. How exciting.
K: My boyfriend might not like them. I’m a bit worried.
P: Well, they are a bit bigger than they were, aren’t they?
K: Massively bigger. Anyway, enough about my boobs. Let’s get back to business.
P: You know Kate is going to be one of the hosts at the Met ball with Marc Jacobs.
K: Marc Jacobs, I’m hosting with him. Marc’s going to have a creation for me.
P: No, you’re going to wear your own dress. You’ve got to have your own creation.
K: Philip … you’ll not have me wearing Marc? Marc is one of my oldest friends, you know that?
P: You’re wearing your own dress.
K: You are terrible! Indiscretions. Beyond. No model has ever hosted it before. I’m the first model. It’s the muse. Wonderful theme … I am the muse!
P: You’re definitely wearing your own dress. It’s not even in debate. If they want me to fly you there, it’s your own dress, kid.
K: You don’t have to fly me there. I’ve got air miles!
P: I’m taking you there.
K: I do! I’ve got air miles.
P: Here’s what we’re going to do. We’ll make two or three dresses, and if they’re up to the mark, you’ll wear it, and if not, we’ll make a sensible decision.
K: After the last one, I went with Stella—we’ve been friends for a very, very long time. And the thing is, we stood in line for an hour or something to say hello to the meet and greet in the receiving line. Donatella is in front of us, and Francesco Clemente was behind us with his wife, who I knew from back in the day. And we’re going, I can’t believe this. You can’t smoke. You can’t have a drink. When we got to the receiving line, this lady came up and said, “We’re sorry, they’ve all gone to their tables.” We were like, What? Tom and Katie just walked right up to the front, and we were like, Who the fuck are they? They’re not even in fashion! And then two days later Anna calls and says, “I’d like you to host.” And also, it is an honor to be asked by Anna with Marc to host the Met ball and being the first model and all that. I did say “What do you have to do?” and she said, “You have to stand in the receiving line for an hour and a half.” But everybody’s in the toilets at the Met smoking. The last time I went, Vanessa Redgrave—I love Vanessa Redgrave—had pockets in her dress with her fags in it.
P: Excuse me. I thought we had a conversation about you giving up one January.