It’s pretty incredible: In the mini-adult sweepstakes, there’s no one who could beat Kiernan, not even Sally Draper. She sits primly on a cream-colored couch to answer questions about her favorite TV shows (Modern Family, Big Bang Theory), her favorite movie (An Affair to Remember), and her favorite food (sushi, particularly crab rolls and yellowtail sashimi). She likes to golf. It is fun, though it can be stressful, when you think, Man, why didn’t I hit that shot how it was supposed to be hit? She would like to go to Yale and Juilliard, and she also likes to cook. I watch the Food Network all the time. I love baking cupcakes. I’m not really good at baking any sort of layery thing, she says. I love going to the farmers’ market for ingredients. I really love exotic fruits like litchis and rambutans.
Then Justin Bieber comes up, and Kiernan goes wild. I love him, she squeals, her eyes lighting up with the same excitement she experienced when she came up with Burbloody. I would love to meet him. She bites her lip. But I wouldn’t be allowed to date him. I can’t date until I’m 16.