Have the Dante de Blasio comments been coming hard and fast?
Wait, who is that?
Bill de Blasio’s son—he has big hair like yours.
I should probably know who these people are. Random people on the street stop me all the time; they often think I’m the guy from Workaholics. Or Carrot Top. I don’t give anywhere near the amount of shits about my hair as other people do. It’s annoying.
If all of that bothers you so much, why don’t you just cut your hair?
I’ve thought about it, but I’ve had it this long since sixth grade; it seems like uncharted territory. And, really, with great hair comes great responsibility. Also, it lets me get away with stuff.
What do you mean?
People will be like, “Oh, that guy’s just kooky; look at his hair,” and then I can Rollerblade through the subway station and bump into a middle-aged woman by accident, like I did the other day, and get away with it.
Are you frequently on Rollerblades?
Yeah, I’m a Rollerblading fiend. I used to have to run to class because I always woke up late. And you know the running guy on the sidewalk? You don’t want to be the running guy on the sidewalk.