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Saturday Night in a Cab

Tim Murphy and Jada Yuan go along for the ride. (Actually, two rides; we’ve combined them here.)

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Passengers Hillary and Michael.  

10:55 p.m.
26th Street and Park Avenue
Monica*, 40; Laurie, 24; Rani, 36
Oleg Roitman, driver

What are you doing?
RANI: Celebrating my birthday. Dinner, and now we’re going to a party.

What kind of party?
MONICA: It’s an all-girl party. A lesbian party.

Are you all lesbians?
ALL: Yeah!
RANI: I don’t know if I want that in the magazine with my name. My mom would kill me.

How do you guys know each other?
LAURIE: Through Henrietta Hudson, a bar where I worked. [Rani and Monica] were both customers and ended up hooking up and now they’re—
RANI: Engaged!
MONICA: We’re getting married in Cancún in November.

OLEG: Okay, girls. Unfortunately for you, our trip is over. Don’t forget your stuff unless it contains a lot of food.

11:01 p.m.
Times Square
Brian, 28; Andrea, 25; Bryan, 26; Drew, 25
Beresford Simmons, driver

BRIAN: We’re going to a bar on 48th and Eighth. For a birthday party. You wanna come? We’ll bring a shot out to you. No, just kidding. I’ll probably never see you again.

Are you all friends?
ALL: Yes.

Brian and Andrea, are you boyfriend and girlfriend?
BRIAN and ANDREA: No.
BRYAN: She’s his brother’s girlfriend.
BRIAN: We’re not interesting. I have twelve toes. That’s not true.

Who’s the birthday party for?
BRIAN: Some shady Russian.
BRYAN: He takes his shirt off all the time.

And after the party at the bar?
ANDREA: Go home and eat.
BRYAN: Hopefully get laid.

11:07 p.m.
73rd Street between First and Second Avenues
Kandace, 25; Bart, 25
Oleg

OLEG: Guys, you are very lucky to ride in the best cab in New York City. Young lady, you are responsible to turn the stupid TV off.

Where are you coming from?
BART: Dinner at Primehouse.

You’re dating?
BOTH: Yes.

Where are you heading now?
KANDACE: His apartment.

For some good times?
BART: Some light reading.
KANDACE: Maybe a little Charlie Rose.

It seems early to be turning in. You’re not feeling the sexy time?
KANDACE: I mean, the mood could change …
OLEG: Listen, young man: If you’re not married, I have very bad news for you.
BART: What’s that?
OLEG: All good things come to their end.
KANDACE: Whoa, wow.
OLEG: If you started as a free man, sooner or later you will get married and your marital status will become “prisoner of war.”
KANDACE: You are not helping my case!
OLEG: When you get married, you will understand the meaning of the word hell. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.

Are you ready to give up your freedom, Bart?
BART: That’s on the horizon, yes.
OLEG: Okay, guys. Unfortunately for you, our trip is over. You should give me a very, very, very big tip, otherwise the Russian Secret Service, KGB, will get you.

11:59 p.m.
Orchard and Delancey Streets
David, 32; Kristine, 30
Oleg

I’m guessing you’re dating.
DAVID: No.
KRISTINE: No.
DAVID: We’re just good friends.
KRISTINE: Good friends.

Are you both straight?
BOTH: Yeah.

There’s no unresolved tension?
DAVID: No, there’s no tension. This is an interesting car ride.
KRISTINE: This is a very interesting conversation.
DAVID: It’s kind of fun, actually. Let’s keep going.

Are you going to get crazy tonight?
DAVID: I’m a bit of an old man, so I’m not sure. About one or two o’clock, I start yawning.

You guys said you’re doctors. Is there a healthy drink of choice for an M.D.?
KRISTINE: A healthy drink? I feel like red wine, right?
DAVID: Red wine! Of course! One glass of red wine a day. Exactly. You’re good. I would have said, like, Red Bull and vodka.

When you’re single, do more people want to date you because you’re doctors?
DAVID: Oh yeah.
KRISTINE: You know what? I think it’s different as a female and a male. DAVID: Oh my God.
KRISTINE: Depending on the guy, sometimes they might be a little intimidated? Not necessarily in New York, maybe, but in other places … It’s a pretty good setup for a guy though.
DAVID: You get offered all the time.

What do you mean you “get offered”?
KRISTINE: Yeah, what do you mean?
DAVID: You know what I’m talking about! Like, when you rotate through the emergency department and someone comes in drunk, they’re like, “Here’s my card in case you need anything.” It’s good! I’m sorry, it’s good to be a single male doctor in New York.

Is your class getting it on? Is it like Grey’s Anatomy?
DAVID: A little bit. It’s weird. There’s way too much drama.

Is there actually a room where …
KRISTINE: The Room! Yeah, there’s a call room.
DAVID: I don’t think …
KRISTINE: Hang on, David, do you use the call room?
DAVID: Oh, whoa …
KRISTINE: Shut up!
DAVID: Are we there yet?


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