1. Newt Gingrich fights for the environment at the New York Public Library (copycat!); Cirque du Soleil’s Wintuk debuts at Madison Square Garden.
2. American Gangster, featuring Russell Crowe, Denzel Washington, drugs, and Vietnam. Or pay respects to The Clash by watching the documentary on Joe Strummer with Bono, Johnny Depp, and Jim Jarmusch.
3. Water, water, everywhere, at the Museum of Natural History’s H20: Water=Life exhibition.
4. Runners, runners, everywhere, as marathoners swarm the city.
5. Israeli choreographer Ohad Naharin leads a BAM dialogue before his Batsheva dance company performs next week.
6. Go see the Frick’s exhibit on the eighteenth-century work of Gabriel de Saint-Aubin before it heads off to the Louvre. Dress code: Fronch.
7. Sarah Silverman practices her subversive potty mouth all the way to Carnegie Hall, as part of the New York Comedy Festival. Bill Maher and Janeane Garafolo show up later in the week.
8. Mark Twain’s nearly-lost-and-never-performed play Is He Dead? finally makes it to Broadway, in previews at the Lyceum.
9. For the 50th anniversary of Jack Kerouac’s On the Road, the New York Public Library exhibits his manuscripts, snapshots, and personal items. Dress code: khakis.
9. The director of Wedding Crashers brings us Fred Claus, featuring Vince Vaughn typecast as Santa’s bitter older brother.
10. Mmm, delicious unrequited love! The New York City Opera stages a revival of Samuel Barber’s Vanessa, the first American grand opera. With roundtable beforehand at 11:30.
11. The last day of the U.S.’s longest-running documentary film festival, The Margaret Mead Film and Video Festival, at the Museum of Natural History. Hydrate.
12. Catch a lecture about Carl Linnaeus, the father of the modern scientific-classification system, at the Scandinavia House.
13. Go see From The New Yorker to Shrek: The Art of William Steig at the Jewish Museum. Bring thought bubbles.
14. John Lithgow reads from W. Somerset Maugham’s Tellers of Tales at Symphony Space.
15. Renée Fleming in La Traviata at the Met.
16. Shambling Brooklyn angst- artiste Noah “The Squid and the Whale” Baumbach directs his wife Jennifer Jason Leigh in Margot at the Wedding.
17. Six years ago, the Vox Vocal Ensemble resurrected the work of Tudor liturgical composer Robert Parsons. Now they’re recording an album and performing at the Church of St. Mary the Virgin in midtown.
18. The Latvian Skride sisters—Baiba on violin and Lauma on piano—fill the Frick Collection with chamber music. Testify!
19. Dazzling Barbara “Marian the Librarian” Cook turns 80, and the New York Philharmonic throws a concert in her honor.
20. Isn’t it about time that patchouli-scented, leather-vest-wearing Lenny Kravitz actually released a new album? He drops his latest groovefest today.
21. Girl-crack! Disney’s Enchanted stars luminous, cute-nosed Amy Adams and Susan Sarandon, with Julie Andrews narrating. Or opt for the Dylan alterna-biopic I’m Not There, directed by Todd Haynes and starring six great actors in Zimmerman drag.
22. Eat turkey. (Or tofurkey, possibly.) Ride that tryptophan (or soy) high.
23. Visit the Met’s Christmas tree or the origami tree at the Museum of Natural History. Dress code: threaded popcorn.
24. At the New Victory Theater, Guinness-certified James Devine, the world’s fastest tap dancer, goes Celtic-punk. That’s 38 taps per second, slowpoke.
25. Ute Lemper croons a French-cabaret repertoire, Angels Over Berlin and Paris, at Joe’s Pub.
26.Go see the Broadway revival of Harold Pinter’s 1967 The Homecoming, starring Tony-deprived Raul Espanza.
27. Louis Langrée conducts Susan Graham and Plácido Domingo in Iphigénia en Tauride.
28. Skip the GOP’s YouTube debate. Instead, slip out to City Center, where Alvin Ailey premieres works by Camille A. Brown and Frederick Earl Mosley.
29. Enfant terrible—and object of intense conductor envy—Gustavo Dudamel makes his N.Y. Phil premiere.
30. Jazz legends Wynton Marsalis and Paquito D’Rivera share a stage to present Beyond the Spanish Tinge at Lincoln Center. No dress code.