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"You could be a handsome, just–released–from–Vietnam War–prison–camp McCain: brown, sixties trousers, light-blue button-up, and a leather belt, hands holding a light-tan sport jacket at your side." —Pamela Moore, sales associate at Fabulous Fanny's

"McCain is hard, with the war hand, the cancer cheek—you don't want to do that." —Joel Stein

"What about John McCain as the Skipper in Gilligan's Island?" —Peter Davis

"For Cindy McCain, one needs only a bottle of Budweiser, a country-music bouffant wig, and string of fake pearls. A bottle of pills is optional and functional but maybe cruel. Also, demon fire for eyes, but that is hard to find." —Joshua David Stein, Page Six Magazine