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Meter Maid Confidential

A few thoughts from an anonymous traffic-enforcement agent.


You must hear some crazy excuses.
People will say, “I get migraines and my medication makes me too sleepy to move my car.” Or they’ll say, “I was coming!” But you didn’t get here!

How do you respond when someone gets angry?
You can’t let it get to you. People say, “I hope your mother dies from cancer.” I say, “You have a nice day.” The sun is shining. God woke me up today. God’s going to wake me up tomorrow.

Do you ever feel guilty?
No, it’s not personal. It’s a job.

Do you like giving tickets to nicer cars?
No, though if you have enough money for a Mercedes, park it in a garage.

What if someone leaves a note on their dash—any leniency?
No, because if I let you get away with it, then Joe Blow and Sally can get away with it. And eventually, that will lead to city chaos.

You must have seen a lot.
I could write my own book.


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