1 Take me out to the ferry: The Staten Island Yankees play the Oneonta Tigers at 7 p.m.
2 Lincoln Center Out of Doors throws its arms open to the Upper West Side, bringing Puerto Rican civil-rights icon Roy Brown together with Arlo Guthrie to Damrosch Park.
3 Who’s mightier, the killing machine or the lady satirist? Matt Damon reprises his android-hitman role in The Bourne Ultimatum, and the far-too-dewy Anne Hathaway plays a feisty young Miss Austen in Becoming Jane.
4 You don’t really want to see Andy Samberg’s Hot Rod or Disney’s Underdog, do you? Classical Theatre of Harlem does Romeo and Juliet in Marcus Garvey Park.
5 Shaolin kung fu! Boat races! Twangy Chinese music! Get on the 7 train to Flushing for the Hong Kong Dragon Boat Festival, and do it before the dumpling-eating contest gets messy.
6 Brazooka (not a mix of gum and lingerie but a band) brings its brassy Brazilian sound to Café Wha?
7 Enough procrastinating: Time to wake up early and get in line. The Public’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream opens in the park tonight.
8 Funny-eighties-musicians alert! They Might Be Giants play the last of five shows at Bowery Ballroom, and Biz Markie plays a free gig with DJ Lovebug Starski in Jackie Robinson Park.
9 Daft Punk brings da French funk to Keyspan Park.
10 Sixteen days, 200 companies, 1,300 shows: the tenth annual Fringe Festival fills up twenty theaters with camp, amateur fun, and maybe, just maybe, the next great American play.
11 Remember when the Yankees didn’t struggle to stay in second place, as the Museum of the City of New York hosts “Take Me Out to the Ball Game,” its family-friendly tour of The Glory Days: New York Baseball 1947–1957. At the end, kids can design their own baseball cards.
12 Eerily perfect vintage cars roll off their trailers at the Hudson River Yacht Club for its Summer Classics Car Show. Hands off that chrome, bud.
13 The only way to further dramatize the experience of sniffling your way through Casablanca is to do it with hundreds of jaded New Yorkers in Bryant Park.
14 Sneak away from the office for a lunch-hour injection of high-octane gospel from commanding contralto Marie Knight, appearing at the Grace Building Plaza in conjunction with ICP’s “Let Your Motto Be Resistance” exhibition.
15 New York’s great contemporary choreographer meets Vienna’s great—and notoriously undanceable—prodigy when Mark Morris presents Mozart Dances, an evening-length rhapsody of emotion and virtuosity.
16 Grab your board, slap on some zinc, and get to Brick, New Jersey, for the No Flat Earth kids’ surf contest. (Or just bring a towel to sit and watch ’em shred.)
17 At the box office, sci-fi vs. fairy tale: A bionic Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig star in The Invasion, a remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and Christina Ricci plays a princess with a pig’s snout whose parents must work double-time to find her a Prince Charming in the candy-colored Penelope.
18 Indulge your inner Missourian, and don’t tell your cardiologist: Pack a plastic bib and finger-wipes for the Hudson Valley Ribfest in New Paltz.
19 The Grammy- and MacArthur-genius-grant-winning composer Osvaldo Golijov brings his 86-minute maximalist masterpiece commemorating Bach, La Pasión según San Marcos, to the Rose Theater.
20 Psycho in Bryant Park. Bring your mother.
21 Take advantage of the U.S. Open’s early-round free tickets to watch the up-and-comers (seeded tournament play, and paid admission, begins on August 27).
22 The Washington Post proved that only one D.C. straphanger recognized the violin prodigy Joshua Bell when he went undercover as a subway busker. So now you’ll actually have to pay $40 to hear him, at Avery Fisher Hall.
23 The Circle Line—sure it’s touristy, but in a good way—hosts blues guitarist Martin Sexton for the final gig in its floating-concert series.
24 Novelist, leftist, and (in The Coast of Utopia) nineteenth-century aristocrat-anarchist Ethan Hawke premieres The Hottest State, the film he wrote and directed from his novel, starring the toothsome Mark Webber. (Want to feel old? Hawke and Laura Linney play his parents.)
25 Bird really does live: The fifteenth-annual Charlie Parker Jazz Festival celebrates the great sax man with two days of free concerts in Harlem and the East Village, where Parker worked and lived.
26 Dance lovers of every size and stripe converge on the Lawn at Battery Park, where Jonathan Hollander’s Downtown Dance Festival celebrates its 26th year of free outdoor dance, from pliés to tango.
27 Ars longa, vita brevis, except when it’s not so longa: The very-Zen artist Tenzing Rigdol is at the Rubin Museum, where he’ll be exercising the ancient Tibetan art of sand painting on the theater floor—and the whole shebang is slated for ritual destruction come September 3.
28 Because the image of Shirley MacLaine working as an elevator operator—in severe Salvation Army–style uniform—is a perfect wormhole to a lost New York, catch Billy Wilder’s The Apartment at River to River.
29 Tom Harrell—one of the greatest living jazz trumpeters, and a schizophrenic who uses music to manage his illness—brings his masterful quintet to the Village Vanguard.
30 Quick-quick-slow or quick-quick-quick? Even Mayor Bloomberg feels the salsa beat, having declared this the official New York Salsa Congress weekend in 2005. There’ll be 45 workshops over four nights at the New York Hilton.
31 Drink summer down to the lees at the Brooklyn Museum, where the new exhibition of Caribbean art allows you to imagine a world of eternal sunshine.