Best Way to Rage Against the Commercialization
of American Holidays: Sounds Like Brooklyn
Various venues and times
On the last night of BAM's annual music mini-festival, get into the punk-rock anti-V-Day spirit with Japanther, a heavily distorted noise-pop duo that sings through a phone receiver and packs a raucous live show. Then cool down with the Harlem Shakes, a jangly, fresh-faced batch of Yale grads.
Best Place to Laugh It Off: Rejected Valentine's Day Heartbreak Haven
UCB Theater; 307 W. 26th St., nr. Eighth Ave.; 212-366-9176
Once a year Jon Friedman's The Rejection Show—the place for comics to exorcise the demons of failed pitches and projects—turns its attention to failures of the heart. The latest edition will pluck the best love woes from the upcoming Rejection Show book. Also: free beer!
Best Cold-Shower Simulacrum: Judah Friedlander
Comix; 353 W. 14th St., nr. Ninth Ave.; 212-524-2500
30 Rock's sloganeering slacker does not exactly ooze sex appealwhich, combined with the slap-happy comedy-geek crowd at Comix, should help you forget about what some other people may be doing tonight.
Best Dirty Mind Exercise: The Virgins
Music Hall of Williamsburg; 66 N. 6th St., nr. Wythe, Williamsburg; 718-486-5400
Through a patented half-mumble/half-whisper, front man Donald Cumming has a knack for making everything he's singing sound vaguely illicit. Which means it's a safe bet that this gig will be pretty much just like the NSFW video for their single "Rich Girls."
Best Way to Embrace the Cutesiness: Los Campesinos!
Bowery Ballroom; 6 Delancey St., nr. Bowery; 212-533-2111
As far as we know, there is no intra-band shacking up going on within this co-ed indie-pop Welsh seven-piece. But the adorable girl-boy vocals—plus the band's saccharine-sweet hooks—might be the only acceptable sappiness on this night.
Best Rage Release: Friday the 13th
Various theaters and times
The remake of the classic—coming, promisingly, from the team behind the pretty great Texas Chainsaw Massacre recreation—hits theaters just in time: As Randy Meeks once eloquently explained, lovers always get the chop in horror flicks. This ought to be one bloody, cathartic experience.
Best Place to Dance It Off: Second Annual Valentine's Death Prom
Studio B; 259 Banker St., nr. Meserole Ave., Greenpoint; 718-389-1880
On Friday night, D.J. team Trouble & Bass will once again present a very special edition of their now-monthly Studio B party. And while we're not sure what, if anything, makes this a "death prom," you have to respect any event that will make your coupled friends grimace when they ask what you're doing on Valentine's weekend.