Let the speculation cease! The Wall Street Journal today reports that Richard Gere has in fact purchased a condo in Julian Schnabel’s building — 18,500 square feet of space with double-height ceilings, six-foot tall fireplaces, and earthenware or marble bathtub. And the other day, The Villager reported that Bono bought a penthouse in the big pink building. If this is true, the Palazzo has just usurped the Dakota as the residence for aging baby-boomers in the entertainment industry. In fact, we suggest that the people at VH1 begin crafting a proposal for a reality show posthaste. Just think: long, drunken dinner parties with the Dalai Lama, visits from Trudi and Sting. Bono will get pissed when Julian borrows his leather pants and returns them all stretched out, and every day they’ll do yoga around the communal pool —with a hot young instructor that Richard and Bono fight over. Wow. We can already see Julian, shirtless, in downward dog. But hold on: There are two other apartments left in the Palazzo!
a) John Malkovich: His hand-tooled leather chrysanthemum wallpaper would fit in well with the Palazzo’s aesthetic.
b) Val Kilmer: Would keep everyone in pot, plus fill his apartment with a collection of unusual animals, which would escape and cause hilarity.
c) Paul McCartney: Through long talks with Richard Gere, Paul would overcome the pain of his divorce.
d) Tom Freston: Would build a yurt in his private outdoor space, where everyone would come to mediate arguments.
Who would you like to see on Schneighbors? Send your picks to firstname.lastname@example.org!