New York reporter Shira Levine ran into Kid Rock, divorced and full of vim on New Year’s Eve, at the party he was hosting at the Gansevoort. “I’m a lot of fun at parties,” he announced. Shira tactfully did not mention that she wasn’t so sure about that; she had, after all, seen that video of him and Scott Stapp. They enjoyed a few moments of conversation, and he asked for her name. “Shira,” she said.
Then he made his indecent proposal. “Shira, will you marry me?”
“No,” she said. “I’m not marrying anybody who has been married as many times as you.” Shira’s mom raised her right, you see.
“I’ve only been married once!” Kid protested. “I got married to the same girl like five times. Does that count?”
Shira wasn’t sure. She sized Kid up. He was wearing a white tracksuit, a bowler hat, and a fur stole. “Would you convert to Judaism?” she asked.
Kid replied enthusiastically: “Yeah! If I can get lifted up on the chair at the wedding! I love Jewish people.”
Shira had heard this from men before. It usually meant they were after her money. “What do you love so much about Jewish people?” she asked warily.
“They just fucking got 50-caliber fucking guns in Israel. They don’t give a fuck. They’ll unload on anybody. ‘Fuck with us? We’ll fuck you up.’ That’s my motto in life. ‘Be nice to everybody, but if somebody fucks with you, FUUUUCK them up.’ We’re fucking saving your country basically.”
“Thanks, but I’m not Israeli, just Jewish,” Shira said.
“Same thing. You say tomato, I say fuck off!” Kid Rock let loose a big, raucous laugh.
They discussed Kid Rock’s involvement with the USO, the “Hollywood fucks” that Kid wished would get more involved with the organization, and the upcoming Iowa caucuses. “I had a great conversation with the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff in Spain last week,” Kid confided. “He asked me what I thought of the country, and I told him what I thought. I won’t share it with you, but I told him that I know this much: that as popular as I am as an entertainer, I’m not educated enough in the area of public service or educated on world events to talk about it with you. But I’ll tell you what the people in my community think and that’s all I can tell you. You know what people should do no matter who is president? They should support that president and be Americans.”
At this, he looked one last time into Shira’s eyes. “So, will you marry me?”