How big of a Madonna freak are you? Big enough that you would be thrilled to have the chance to wager your hard-earned, depreciating American paycheck on a four-foot, 80-pound globe made of plaster, marble dust, and recyclable polystyrene because Madge rubbed her 50-year-old butt against it during her Vanity Fair cover shoot? If you answered yes, then you, Rich Cohen, are in luck. Vanity Fair has announced they are auctioning off the orb, which not only is graced with the residue of Madonna’s bum sweat but has been autographed by the singer. VF is also throwing in two tickets to Madonna’s concert in New York at the end of April, although depending on how big of an acolyte you are, that might not impress you: Everyone knows that New York is no longer cool.