Jack Jordan, better known as Uma Thurman’s stalker, has been sentenced to three years’ probation by the New York State Supreme Court. Jordan stalked Thurman for two years, during which he sent her and her family a barrage of nutso letters and e-mails, sneaked onto the set of her movie, and in one memorable incident, painted her a portrait on a razor blade. “To me, it seemed almost as if Uma was courting me,” he said of those heady days. “We were engaged in a game of cat and mouse.” The prosecution had sought a year in jail for the former pool cleaner, but Justice Gregory Carro handed down what is arguably a harsher punishment: Three years in his home state, Maryland. Ugh. That said, maybe John Waters will take a shine to him.