Just when you thought the Internet had come up with everything you never knew you wanted, it unveils another stroke of genius. This time around it’s Vanity Fair’s new “Gay Car Blog.” What is a gay car, and why does it need a blog, you ask? Well, we’re not entirely sure. And neither is the blogger, it seems:
Well, you know what a car is, right? The word Gay here defines a sub-category of them. It is not (simply) intended as a synonym for rejected or sub-standard. It is not (simply) meant to encompass cars that are pastel-colored or sport a sibilant exhaust note. And it doesn’t (simply) characterize a vehicle’s owner. A car’s gayness — like gayness in general — is based in its inhabiting the margins of conventionality. A Gay Car is quirkier, more enigmatic, or more fiercely accessorized than the average vehicle. (It also likes to sleep with other Gay Cars.)
Hm. Sounds vague. We guess they’re just like gay sneakers and lesbian belts — you know them when you see them. Anyway, in honor of this blog, which is written by car expert (and card-carrying gay) Brett Berk, we have decided to make our list of the top ten gay cars.
10. The Toyota Prius: Too easy. Moving on.
9. The Kia Amigo: There’s a drag queen with that name who hangs out at The Slide.
8. The Mitsubishi Lancer: What Lance Bass calls himself when he hangs out with her.
7. The Chrysler Sebring Convertible: Tries to be macho, utterly fails.
6. The VW Cabriogay: The name says it all.
5. The Subaru Outback: The ultimate lesmobile. Tied with…
5. The Volvo Station Wagon: a.k.a. the “Vulva.”
4. The MINI Cooper. Voted Best Gay Twinkmobile by Gaylife.com!
3. The VW Jetta. Voted the No. 1 Gay Car by Click & Clack!.
2. The Smart car Passion: There are things to be said for a hard top that removes easily.
1. The Ford Pinto: Nail it in the rear, and it explodes!
Gay Car Blog [VF]