’I set out to be a journalist and this is what I get.’Photo: CNN
Excitement over the Montauk Monster has reached a fever pitch! He was on CNN. New photos have emerged (that make it clear he’s a he), as well as several people who claim to have the remains. But still, no one has definitively identified the beast. On the Internet and elsewhere, theories abound: Is it a Plum Island experiment gone wrong? An alien? A very fat raccoon, or a poor, poor puppy? Or part of a race of creatures who are slowly but surely taking over East Hampton? Below, your roundup of the latest monster news.
• Three women who claim to have taken the original photo were interviewed by Plum TV. They claim they actually have the corpse, although they won’t show anyone because they are “waiting for scientists to contact them.” Their camera is presented as “evidence” they took the photo but in reality, hello, uploading. Plus, they come off kind of like jerks. For the record, Alanna Nevitksi, the woman who sent the original photo to Gawker on Tuesday and whom we spoke to the other day, says that they are “full of shit.” Her friend, the photographer, has still not spoken to the press.
• Wolf Blitzer was forced to report on the monster. CNN also dispatched a depressed-looking reporter to Montauk to interview a couple frat boys who claim to have the decomposing corpse and poke at it with sticks (“We’re having a great time with it,” says Colin, 22. Um, okay.) While in town, the reporter stands on the street with the monster picture and waves it in the face of common citizens, who shriek and grab at their hearts. For some reason, she is also carrying a beach ball.
• Most disturbing, Newsday has a less-decomposed picture of the creature that really looks like a dog, specifically a pit bull, which is not at all funny and a total buzz kill as it makes you think thoughts such as:
a) Wow, this thing was lying on the beach for a long time and no one picked it up. Again: Way to go, animal control.
b) Not only did no one pick it up but people kept taking pictures of it. Way to go, humanity.
c) Maybe we have all been staring at a picture of a dead dog this whole time.
d) That explains the wristlet. Poor, poor puppy.
Fortunately, they make up for their sick reality check by giving us an alternate theory. According to locals, the Montauk Monster is not a anomaly. It is part of a race of monsters who have been recently cropping up in the area.
Ryan Kelso, via iPhone, said he spotted it — alive! — in the Montauk dunes. “It looked about the size of an average fox, gray in color, eyes like a mole, hairless and was breathing quite heavily,” he wrote, “needless to say we were freaked out by this discovery and fled the area quickly.”
Lavey Fater saw a surfer bring one to shore, near Ditch Plains.
“It was hairless and gross,” Fater reported. “…The surfer said he had no idea what it was, but that he threw it in the dunes because he didn’t want to be surfing next to it.”
BELIEVE.
Related: Investigating the Montauk Monster[NYM]
East Hampton Bureaucrats Deny Montauk Monster Is Beast From Hell [NYM]
A Portrait of the Monster As a Young Man [NYM]
What Today’s Monster News Tells Us About New Yorkers [NYM]
