Today’s Times tells us about how Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver (who has, in the past, been accused of ignoring sexual-harassment allegations against his colleagues) swiftly called for a meeting of the Assembly’s Ethics Committee after an affair between a married upstate legislator and a 19-year-old intern came to light. The sex scandal was revealed Tuesday night when the blog PoliticsWNY.com posted steamy e-mails between the assemblyman, Sam Hoyt (D-Buffalo), and his former aide. The Times reprints only small segments of the e-mails, as they are pretty tawdry and kind of gross. But, luckily, the Post published one of them in full! See, reading salacious e-mail between lovers is like overhearing other people have sex — it’s kind of riveting, but it makes you embarrassed to be a human. Sort of like the early episodes of a season of American Idol! Anyway, here are our favorite parts of one of the e-mails, titled “What I wish…”
that i could be painting your toenails right now…that i could see you do that little cheerleader move…that you could be my human alarm clock…that i could be your human lollipop…that i could be modeling my cool penguin boxers for you tonight…that you could tell me i am yummy (i love that)…that i could tell you that no woman has ever done for me physically what you do for me…that i could shower in your shower with all that girly stuff…that I could see your ducks…
Mmm. Cost of getting a mid-career divorce over your affair with a teenage intern when there is electronic proof of the liaisons: 50 percent of your assets, and a portion of your salary and pension for the rest of your life.
Having all of your constituents not be able to look at you without imagining some combination of penguins and ducks? Priceless.