After the CEOs from the nation’s biggest financial institutions went to meet with Obama last week, they told everyone they’d had an amazing time. “It was fabulous,” JPMorgan’s Jamie Dimon said. But, as usual, the CEOs were full of lies. Politico today spoke to “a person who attended the meeting,” and he says they didn’t have a good time at all. In fact, they had a terrible time. They went there thinking that behind closed doors they were going to bro-down with the O-man, maybe shoot some hoops, but instead he ushered them into a room, gave them a glass of water (no ice, even!) and started acting all, like, serious and stuff.
“My administration,” he said to them, “is the only thing between you and the pitchforks.”
We like to imagine that here Vikram Pandit said, “Thanks, dude,” and Jamie Dimon slapped him upside the head.
Then the president kept talking, talking. It was almost like he thought he was better than them or something. He went on about bonuses and how the public was angry. “The signal from Obama’s body language and demeanor was, ‘I’m the president, and you’re not,’” the attendee said.
They waited for snacks to appear, but none did. No one refilled their waters. This was an outrage, we imagine. We also imagine that Ken Lewis’s stomach audibly rumbled, and he blushed.
“The only way they could have sent a more Spartan message is if they had served bread along with the water,” the source tells Politico, and we would like to highlight that he said the inclusion of bread would make it extra Spartan, because that feels indicative of just how far these guys’ heads are up their asses. Anyway, they weren’t going to say anything, but when they saw these pictures of Obama yukking it up at the G20 they were pretty steamed.
There was no group photograph taken of the CEOs with the president, which typically happens at ceremonial White House gatherings but not at serious strategy sessions.
They went all that way and they didn’t even get a picture that proved once and for all that they had a black friend. That is just not fair.