A four-foot-tall sculpture with an “Aztec motif” was stolen from the yard of Bernie Madoff’s Montauk home over the weekend, news outlets are reporting. Oddly, this is the second time a piece of art has been removed from Madoff property — in December of last year, someone stole a five-foot copper artwork from the pool area around the Ponzi-schemer’s Palm Beach mansion, then mysteriously returned it several days later. Now, these incidents are probably unrelated, and whoever stole the Montauk sculpture was a drunk socialite, a regular junkie who sold it to be melted down, or a nut who couldn’t wait for the auction of Madoff’s belongings and had to have his piece of the Ponzmeister now. But we prefer to believe something more mysterious is afoot, and that the Feds will soon get a picture in the mail of Madoff’s Aztec sculpture at the Eiffel tower, or at an ashram in India.
Axios on HBO: “Republicans claimed that John Kerry was a traitor in Vietnam. That Barack Obama was a Muslim. If you were to win the nomination, they’ll say you’re too young, too liberal, too gay to be commander-in-chief. You are young. You are a liberal. You are gay. How will you respond?”
Pete Buttigieg: “I’ll respond by explaining where I want to lead this country. People will elect the person who will make the best president. And we have had excellent presidents who have been young. We have had excellent presidents who have been liberal. I would imagine we’ve probably had excellent presidents who were gay — we just didn’t know which ones.”
Axios on HBO: “You believe that we’ve had a gay commander-in-chief?”
Pete Buttigieg: “I mean, statistically, it’s almost certain.”
Axios on HBO: “In your reading of history, do you believe you know who they were?”
Pete Buttigieg: “My gaydar even doesn’t work that well in the present, let alone retroactively. But one can only assume that’s the case.”