Woe is Kate Hudson. She had to make it through the Nine premiere without A-Rod there to support her, and with only Madonna, Fergie, and Goldie Hawn’s shoulders to cry on. That must have been awkward, as Madonna was A-Rod’s girlfriend immediately before Hudson. Penélope Cruz showed up at the premiere with Javier Bardem and a bejeweled left ring finger, fueling rumors that the two are engaged. A-Rod, meanwhile, tried and failed to hit on a leggy blonde three times over lunch in Miami. According to the always-reliable National Enquirer, Angelina Jolie attempted suicide after a bout of separation anxiety related to Brad Pitt’s move to France. Rudy Giuliani tells Tiger Woods to “hang in there.”
Anne Hathaway hit a hipster cyclist with her car in West Hollywood, but no one was hurt. Reese Witherspoon left Jake Gyllenhaal because “she couldn’t give Jake enough and she got cold feet. Jake wanted all of her.” Jude Law and Sienna Miller got cozy in a banquette at the Russian Tea Room. Tinsley Mortimer made out with Rock of Ages’ Constantine Maroulis at Dorrian’s, also joining her sister Dabney in their own rendition of “All I Want for Christmas Is You.” Turns out Tiger Woods’s doctor, Tony Galeo, who was arrested for smuggling human growth hormone across the Canadian border, also treated Madonna. Chris Brown’s mother had all alcohol removed from his table at Greenhouse following his Nokia Theatre performance to avoid any inkling of Brown violating his probation. Not only has Courtney Love lost custody of her daughter, but she’s been banned from contacting her after issuing a series of rants against her via Facebook. And ever the wholesome influence, Miley Cyrus encouraged her 9-year-old sister to do a raunchy, pole-dancing rendition of Akon’s “Smack That” in a viral video for her website, mileyworld.com.
At ‘21,’ Arianna Huffington, Sidney Lumet, and Dan Abrams listened to Jason Reitman wax poetic about his father, Ivan Reitman’s, involvement in Up in the Air. J.Lo, with Marc Anthony and the kids in tow, prepped for the So You Think You Can Dance finale without taking an AMA-style tumble. Sarah Jessica Parker told David Letterman how her son misses the mole she had removed from her face. Adrian Grenier and producer Peter Glatzer partied at the Wired store to celebrate the launch of their ecoconscious website, shft.com. Sting celebrated his wife, Trudie Styler’s, new workout DVD by double-fisting Champagne at Urban Zen. Lindsay Lohan took to Twitter to express her undying love for Rihanna, while Meghan McCain tweeted about her inability to use Drano on her clogged bathtub. And Jon Gosselin is broke and jobless. Finally.