When the first coyote was captured wandering around Harlem a couple of weeks ago, we thought maybe it was for the food: all those fat pigeons who are so lazy that they don’t even move out of the way when you almost step on them. And the rats so fat they get stuck in cracks, just waiting to get eaten up like furry little lollipops. But then a second coyote was spotted in upper Central Park, and we suspected there must be something more to the story. Maybe they are coming to town for the reason we all come to the city: to make it big, find love, and live happily ever after. But now that two coyotes were spotted sniffing around the Columbia campus, we’re not sure about anything.
Animal-control experts have suggested that the coyotes have come into the city from Westchester, which would explain why they keep getting spotted uptown. But what happens when they penetrate further into Manhattan? What do you think they’re after? Is it …
(a) They’re pissed about Ugly Betty getting canceled and want to get some souvenirs from the Woolworth Building downtown?
(b) They heard about happy hour at this place?
(c) They want to pay a visit to their cousin and leader, this guy?
(d) They heard Goldman was hiring?