After losing his second presidential race, Mitt Romney is finally done with elective office forever. Now speculation has begun as to what he’ll do next. In the Times today, friends and advisers suggest that Romney might write a book, return to finance, or take a leadership role in the Mormon Church, among other fairly predictable options. But we have some other ideas for jobs that are perfectly suited to Romney’s unique set of tastes and talents.
Tree Trimmer
Because Romney has somehow discovered the objectively ideal tree height.
Transition Specialist
Because a guy who “loves being able to fire people” would be perfect for the job held by George Clooney’s character in Up in the Air.
New Mad Men Character
He buys the firm, lays off everyone except Don Draper and a janitor, and sells it for a $30 million profit six months later.
Mannequin
Because he looks like a mannequin.
NASCAR team owner
So he could hang out with his “great friends.”
Stock Photo Model
Romney could be paid handsomely just for posing while doing everyday things … handsomely.
Marketing Consultant for Lemonade Companies
Because Romney appreciates the basic essence of lemonade better than anyone.
Professional Poolside Giant Jenga Athlete
(Romney would first have to create the National Poolside Giant Jenga League, or NPGJL, which currently does not exist for some reason.)
Maoist Guerilla leader
When you combine Romney’s strong desire for political power with his weakness at courting voters and his incredible skill at ideological reinvention, his career path is obvious. Obamacare is socialism, Romney invented Obamacare — boom, done. (H/T Intel Jon)
Have another suggestion for Romney? Leave it in the comments or on Twitter with the hashtag #NextRomneyJobs and we’ll feature the best ones.
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3:32 | Too soon. @haje16 Director of the Central Intelligence Agency #NextRomneyJobs Friday November 9, 2012 3:32 Adampasick |
3:23 | via @kevinroose -- Holly Petraeus works at the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau Friday November 9, 2012 3:23 Adampasick |
3:21 | "Sen.-Elect Warren Looking For ‘Smart, Thoughtful’ Staff" bit.ly/YZyXo5 Friday November 9, 2012 3:21 Adampasick |
3:18 | You will love @AnnaHolmes' summary of the campaign. gqm.ag/WL978P Soundtrack: Fela Kutie's "Expensive shit." Friday November 9, 2012 3:18 moorehn |
3:17 | The entire Internet from approximately 2:45 to 3:30 bit.ly/85EJd Friday November 9, 2012 3:17 Adampasick |
3:08 | What should Mitt Romney's next gig be? We suggest lady blogger, @DailyIntel. nym.ag/ZetdpD #NextRomneyJobs Friday November 9, 2012 3:08 TheCut |
3:07 | Two words: Anna. Chapman. Friday November 9, 2012 3:07 Adampasick |
3:03 | Star of live-action movie adaptation of "Get Your War On" #NextRomneyJobs cc @letsgetshort Friday November 9, 2012 3:03 Adampasick |
2:58 | .@DailyIntel commenters' best #NextRomneyJobs - Stock laughter laugher, Barber, Weathervane, Dad Jeans by Mitt Romney bit.ly/YZkM25 Friday November 9, 2012 2:58 Adampasick |
2:13 | RT @ChadwickMatlin: Caterer with a spy camera #nextRomneyjobs Friday November 9, 2012 2:13 Adampasick |
2:12 | RT @kennyfeeley: Sea World, Orca Trainer #NextRomneyJobs Friday November 9, 2012 2:12 Adampasick |
2:12 | . @DailyIntel Selling Spray Tan on HSN #nextromneyjobs Friday November 9, 2012 2:12 stellabugbee |
2:12 | New host of MTV's "Pranked" #NextRomneyJobs Friday November 9, 2012 2:12 Adampasick |
2:12 | Friday November 9, 2012 2:12 ItsMeghanT |
2:11 | Shampoo model? #NextRomneyJobs Friday November 9, 2012 2:11 Karen_Matilda |
2:11 | Friday November 9, 2012 2:11 djdrm |
2:11 | Horse Whisperer #NextRomneyJobs Friday November 9, 2012 2:11 djdrm |
2:11 | Dockers spokesman. #NextRomneyJobs Friday November 9, 2012 2:11 marcgeelhoed |
2:11 | RT @Adampasick: Shift supervisor in a binder factory #NextRomneyJobs Friday November 9, 2012 2:11 mopartybox |
2:11 | Dogcatcher #NextRomneyJobs Friday November 9, 2012 2:11 Adampasick |
2:11 | RT @jessmisener: Playing Don Draper's creepy uncle on "Mad Men" #NextRomneyJobs Friday November 9, 2012 2:11 bewilldered |
2:10 | Real Estate Agent #NextRomneyJobs Friday November 9, 2012 2:10 kurtsoller |
2:10 | RT @TheOther_MJ: .@MittRomney would be an ideal contestant on the Celebrity Apprentice #NextRomneyJobs Friday November 9, 2012 2:10 epollaert |
2:10 | RT @djdrm: Cylon #NextRomneyJobs Friday November 9, 2012 2:10 Adampasick |
