0:04: Charles Barkley, in town to cover last night’s Knicks-Nets showdown at Barclays for TNT, descends into the Spring Street A/C subway station on his way to Brooklyn. It’s reportedly Barkley’s first New York subway ride ever, and he jokes, “If you never see me again, tell my family I love ’em.”
0:34: Barkley tries to enter the subway by holding his MetroCard in front of the turnstile. Luckily, a team of cops has been assigned to help Barkley on his quest.
0:39: Barkley gets it on the first swipe, and now leads the city in swiping percentage at a perfect 100 percent.
0:41: Barkley, who stands at around six five or six six, slams his head on the top of the turnstile. He was only kidding before, but it’s beginning to seem like there is a non-zero chance that he doesn’t make it out alive.
1:00: Is a shaky, vertically shot cell phone video really the best Sports Illustrated could have done here?
1:13: People boarding the train are greeted at the door by Charles Barkley, which was probably a weird experience.
1:23: Barkley takes a photo with a postal worker, and a bystander refers to her as Mrs. Malone. Basketball jokes! The postal worker found it a lot funnier than Barkley did.
1:35: Barkley makes his second joke at New York’s expense when someone asks him who he thinks will win the Knicks-Nets game. “It don’t matter, man,” he says, smiling and shaking his head. “Zero plus zero is zero. Come on, now.” Cruel, but fair.
1:55: Wait, didn’t we see this part already?
2:00: The rest of the video is just a repeat of an earlier part of the video for some reason. You can stop watching.
2:32: Barkley didn’t find the Mrs. Malone joke that funny the second time either.