Welcome back to the new New York Magazine Competition. The best of last week’s submissions, including the winner, appear below this week’s call for entries.
It’s easy to play: On Monday mornings, we’ll lay out a challenge and offer a few sample responses. Give it your best shot in the comments section, or on Twitter with the hashtag we’ve provided, and on Sunday the editors will select a winner. Criteria are highly subjective, but heavily retweeted and favorited posts will have an advantage. The prize is a year’s subscription to New York in print or a two-year subscription to the iPad edition (winner’s choice). Full rules are here.
COMPETITION NO. 7: CHRISTMAS CARDS OF THE STARS. Please submit a holiday message from a public figure. For example:
LET’S ALL GIVE THANKS THAT IT’S MOSTLY KINDA WORKING NOW
from Kathleen Sebelius and the Department of Health and Human Services
MERRY KRISTMAS AND HAPPY KHANUKKAH!
with kisses from the Kardashian family
HAPPY KWANZAA FROM MEGYN KELLY
Post your submission in the comments below, or on Twitter with the hashtag #celebrityxmascard.
RESULTS OF COMPETITION NO. 6: BANAL HAIKU, in which you were asked to compose a dreary poem in the classic five-seven-five form.
Popular themes: The banality of commenting, the banality of cubicle life, and the banality of cat ownership. The loss of the Sex Diaries (still? really?); lunch; the departing Dan Amira; and killing time at the office till vacation begins. Happy holidays/from the Daily Intel team./Now get back to work.
HONORABLE MENTION TO:
He sits on my desk
Nodding and smiling all day
Good ol’ Mr. Met.
— SPROWT
Hey, how ya doin’.
Yeah, same shit, different day.
You gonna eat that?
—DC10001
Five syllable words
The holy grail of haikus
Chemotherapy.
—REGISMAYHEM
I don’t have a line
for the end of this haiku.
Refrigerator.
—Martin Clear @martinclear
A Sex Diary:
Oakland Lesbian Sleeping
With Submissive Male.
— DONGCITY5000
So still, the printer
Do I hit ‘Print’ yet again
Or risk I.T.’s scorn?
— FISHPEDDLER
Nom nom nom nom nom
Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom
Nom nom nom breakfast.
—CLASSICIST
Today at my desk
I thought I heard jingle bells
Could it be Santa?
Hoping, I looked right
but to my dismay it was
just the janitor.
—DINOSGOROAR
You wanted banal?
Let me find some Coldplay songs.
I’ll paste the lyrics.
—SHAR_KBITE
While in downward dog
I look at my feet and think:
Subpar pedicure.
—AnikaChapin @AnikaChapin
Pretty sure that Beth
from Dog the Bounty Hunter
is riding my bus.
—LOOBS
I hear the gossip,
But people miss the real news.
What is on Page Five?
—NDESQ
I am on the list!
Seriously, check it, bro.
I know the owner!
—HAUNT_FOX
Every now and then,
when life is really boring,
I miss Walter White.
—W0RRYW0RT
I’m in a meeting
with Steve Martin’s thermos song
running through my head.
—Insteada Fivefeettwo @6feet1
Mariachi band
Please don’t get on my train car
I am hung over.
—MINABEE
What makes the least sense?
Answer questions with questions.
What does the fox say?
—IMNOTSLYDEXIC
An orange perched high
At the local bodega
Falls and rolls away.
—THEWRITEANNE
Hanukkah’s over.
I got nothin’ Irv. Nothin’.
Let’s have some latkes.
— NICHVT
More Christmas treats appear
Moment on the lips, lifetime…
Baby Jesus said no sugar.
—RGQUEEN
Crying in the rain
I felt a bug bite my leg.
Oh no. Lyme disease.
—TUPPER
A handful of salt:
Legal penance, prevention
Icy stoop season.
—TSANGAX2
Where are my glasses?
Oh yeah, where they always are.
On top of my head.
—Deb Poppel @DebPoppel
Do I have any
Food in my teeth? No? Because
There’s lettuce in yours.
—marontheweb @marontheweb
Five syllables here
Seven syllables go here
We have a haiku.
— FLIRTYSANCHEZ
AND THE WINNER IS…
I should read a book
Or clean up my apartment
Ooh, Stabler’s angry!
—ANDREAZUCKERMANVASQUEZ
