It’s late Saturday night, and the threat is swiftly approaching: Soon, girls in sequined skirts will stream into your frat house, reeking of Smirnoff Green Apple. You, an upstanding member of Delta Epsilon Notallmen, do not drink, and cannot bear the thought of drunken females spending the night in your frat house, dancing to Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” and engaging in typical college merriment. They will destroy you with their wine cooler breath. Their shiny hair could singlehandedly bring down the entire Greek system.
“Those chicks look drunk!” one of your brothers shouts as a line of women amble up the path to your frat’s front door. “Let’s get out of here!”
You spot one taking a swig from a plastic liter of Vladi’s. “They’re doing shots!” you shriek, the fear in your voice palpable. “Run!!!”
It is a scene familiar to any man who has ever belonged to a fraternity: the hellish, hostile takeover of your frat party by drunk women. But even in 2014, this terrible problem plaguing America’s young men is still taboo. Thus, it will take one truly brave Forbes columnist to address it.
Sorry, we meant former Forbes columnist. The site axed one of its contributors this morning, Bill Frezza, an MIT graduate and frat alumni president, for daring to address the real threat against college fraternities: drunk chicks.
“In our age of sexual equality, why drunk female students are almost never characterized as irresponsible jerks is a question I leave to the feminists,” writes Frezza, a hellbeast from planet Women Can Be Sexist Too (it’s not in this starsystem). “But it is precisely those irresponsible women that the brothers must be trained to identify and protect against, because all it takes is one to bring an entire fraternity system down.”
The post has since been yanked, but you can read it over at Jezebel.
Only when we tackle the menace of drunk girls, who are absolutely getting themselves drunk while the sober brothers lock themselves in their rooms and study, can the fraternity system be restored to its rightful glory.