Today the nation’s foremost groundhogs again endured their least favorite day of the year, being dredged from their homes by humans — some donning ridiculous top hats — and forced to pretend they know anything about meteorology. Where’s PETA when you need them?
Punxsutawney Phil at least appeared to show some semblance of weather awareness this year. Perhaps realizing that it was already snowing, he saw his shadow, thus “predicting” six more weeks of winter. Staten Island Chuck, on the other hand, was uncharacteristically positive for a New Yorker, forecasting that spring will come early this year.
The Staten Island Zoo opted to put Chuck in a plexiglass cage this year so noted groundhog-murderer Mayor de Blasio couldn’t touch him. Honestly, since de Blasio killed the real Staten Island Chuck last year, who knows if we can even trust this new guy.