“Technology-driven luxury brand” Nico Gerard announced a new line of watches today that represent the apex of time-telling efficiency. As long as you have $9,300 to spare, you will no longer have to turn your wrist to see what time it is — or choose between analog or digital clocks. According to the site for the new Pinnacle watch, “This classic timepiece shows the world you have an affinity for discerning tastes, and provides you with the technology that respects you to the core of your being.”
In other words, it’s a watch with an Apple Watch attached to it.
The watch has the added benefit of always reminding you that you are cool enough to own an Apple Watch, because the bottom of your wrist — and the technology respecting you to the core of your being — will always either be scraping against your keyboard as you type memos to future president Donald Trump or be hovering precariously over your gold-plated pasta with caviar-truffle sauce.
For those who hear the words “affinity for discerning tastes,” and ask how much it would cost to acquire a whole set of discerning tastes to showcase at their next Dom Pérignon–pong party, there is an 18-carat-gold version of the watch that only costs $112,000.
If you are surprised it took someone this long to come up with this idea, don’t worry. A line of luxury watches called “The Barrel” — made of reclaimed whiskey barrel wood — got funded on Kickstarter earlier this summer; and as Gizmodo points out, it is “the third-most funded fashion project in the history of the crowdfunding platform.” In practical terms, this means that the dog of the son of the richest man in Asia will finally get a different type of fancy Apple Watch for each leg.