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Fresh Intelligence: East Coast Braces for Blizzard, U.S. Cries for Bernie, and More

New York Fire Department firefighters stock up on salt before New York City Mayor Bill De Blasio speaks about the city's preparedness for an upcoming snowstorm at the Spring Street salt shed on January 21, 2016 in New York, NY.
These New York firefighters are just stocking up on salt, but we’ll all get a crack at the real thing soon enough. Photo: Bryan Thomas/Getty Images

Good morning and welcome to Fresh Intelligence, our roundup of the stories, ideas, and memes you’ll be talking about today. In this edition we prepare for an icy weekend, a Bernie Sanders music video warms America’s heart, and a cow almost escapes his destiny. Here’s the rundown for Friday, January 22.

Winter Storm Jonas is almost here! D.C. is set to get the worst of it, with the storm kicking off this afternoon, while New Yorkers can expect snow to appear on Saturday morning and carry on through the weekend. Serious thunderstorms are expected in Mississippi and Louisiana, and a tornado watch is in effect. Be safe everyone! []

East Coast Freak-out: Winter Becomes Winterlike

The East Coast is rushing to prepare for Winter Storm Jonas: Shelves are stripped in D.C., and across the eastern seaboard hundreds of flights have already been canceled. The D.C. Metro will be suspended for the duration of the storm, but in New York the subway should continue running. Mayor de Blasio said this won’t be like last year, when he found out Governor Cuomo was shutting down the subway from a TV news report. “The lack of coordination was a real problem, and obviously decisions should have been different,” he said. “But this time there’s going to be a lot more communication and coordination.” Speaking of coordination, there’s still time to pick up that case of beer, but you’d better hurry. [, NYT]

Americans Cry Over Bernie Video, Don’t Know Why

New ads
from the front-running Democratic candidates have brought their differences into sharp relief. Specifically, Hillary feels she is qualified for the difficult, complex job of running the country, and Bernie — well, Bernie really digs the song “America” by Simon and Garfunkel. He finds it very calming after a long day of shouting about pretty much everything.

Iowa Family Dinners Extremely Tense
A new poll has both Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders heading into the Iowa primaries with commanding leads. The CNN/ORC poll released yesterday shows Trump leading Cruz 37 percent to 26 percent, and Sanders leading Clinton 51 percent to 43 percent. [CNN]

Obama on Flint: Being Forced to Drink Poison Un-American
During a speech at a reception for mayors at the White House yesterday, the president touched on the growing controversy in Flint, Michigan, saying the situation was unacceptable. He then announced the resignation of the Environmental Protection Agency boss for Flint, and pledged $80 million to Michigan to shore up their water infrastructure. See? That wasn’t so hard. [CNN]

Graham Endorses Random American Who Is Not Trump or Cruz
An understandably gloomy Lindsay Graham told reporters yesterday that a nomination for either Trump or Cruz would spell the death of the Republican Party. He compared choosing between the two front-runners to “being shot or poisoned” and instead suggested the country “just pick somebody out of the phone book.” [USA Today]

Walmart Back to Old Self

Just a day after announcing company-wide raises for millions of employees, the familiar Walmart was back in the news for illegally firing workers who protested in front of its headquarters. The company was also found to have fired employees at 29 stores for unexcused absences after refusing them permission to strike. The retail giant must now host meetings in those stores, reminding workers of their right to strike. [WSJ]

Airline Saves Up All Those Fees, Splurges on Planes
United Airlines, one of the worst-rated carriers in America, is updating its fleet with a purchase of 40 new 737s. The purchase affected the company’s earnings report out yesterday, which fell below analysts’ expectations. United still managed to have its most profitable quarter ever, earning $934 million. Remember that next time they’re charging you for a blanket. [CNN]

Google Pays Apple for Right to Exist
A lawsuit between Oracle and Google has shined a light on the company’s infamously mysterious finances. Among the big reveals is the news that Google paid Apple more than $1 billion in 2014 to keep its search bar on the iPhone. Yahoo, you never stood a chance. [Bloomberg]

Starbucks Slowdown Blamed on Terrorists
Starbucks released its second-quarter profits yesterday and blamed its disappointing international growth in part on the terrorist attack in Paris. Though domestic growth beat forecasts, the company underperformed abroad, especially in the Middle East and Africa. Starbucks recently closed 50 stores temporarily after an outlet in Jakarta was targeted in a terrorist attack. [Bloomberg]

Twyla Tharp Ex, Steve Jobs Widow Team Up

Rumors that editor Leon Wieseltier was preparing to buy the The New Republic after Facebook founder Chris Hughes abandoned it were a bit off-base. Wieseltier is instead planning to team up with Laurene Powell Jobs — of Steve Jobs marrying fame — to start a new journal. Tech money will save journalism yet, you’ll see. [Daily Intelligencer]

Fox News Obsessed With Benghazi Movie, Too
Fox News spent nearly three hours hyping 13 Hours, the new Michael Bay action blockbuster based on the real tragedy in Benghazi. Now Bay just needs to find a Trump tie-in for Transformers 5. [Media Matters]

Millions Clearly Haven’t Seen Narcos
Recent boasts by Netflix executives aren’t backed up by the numbers. Adweek released data yesterday from Symphony Advanced Media showing streaming services trail broadcast television by millions of viewers. Oh, but the data counts DVRs, on demand, and broadcast shows watched on streaming services as part of broadcast television. TV, you’re still doomed. [Adweek]

Queens Moo-rauder Caught

Police responded to a cow on the loose in Queens yesterday after the freedom-loving animal reportedly escaped from a nearby halal slaughterhouse. The unnamed cow enjoyed a few moments of freedom along Jamaica Avenue before it was recaptured by police. In a tweet the police announced that all officers were safe, totally misreading our allegiance.

Sometimes They’re Not After You, You’re Just Paranoid (and High)

Though it happened a year ago, this great 911 call was only made public yesterday. It really makes you feel like you have your life together.

Tip of the Day: Don’t Skimp on the Getaway Driver

A burglar in Alaska might have gotten away with robbing two businesses yesterday had he not locked his keys in his car. He was apprehended after he gave his personal information to the taxi company he called to rescue him. [ABC]

Man’s Dying Wish: Anybody But Trump
The obituary for 65-year-old chiropractor Jeffrey Cohen published in the Pittsburgh Gazette closed with the line, “Jeffrey would ask that in lieu of flowers, please do not vote for Donald Trump.” The number of tributes to Cohen should be huge. [The Wrap

Weather, Possible Signs From Above, Can’t Stop Protesters

The annual March for Life anti-abortion rally will go ahead tomorrow as scheduled despite the blizzard set to bear down on it. Thousands of pro-lifers are expected for the march up Capitol Hill. [WaPo]

Fresh Intelligence: East Coast Braces for Storm