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Fresh Intelligence: 2 NYPD Officers Shot in the Bronx, Jeb Has Mom Issues, and More

Two New York City Police Officers Shot In The Bronx
NYPD officers secure the area near the scene of a shooting. Photo: Eduardo Munoz Alvarez/2016 Getty Images

Good morning and welcome to Fresh Intelligence, our roundup of the stories, ideas, and memes you’ll be talking about today. In this edition, Democrats face off in New Hampshire, Jeb delivers more secondhand embarrassment, and Playboy covers up. Here’s the rundown for Friday, February 5.

Here comes the snow; expect snowfall this morning in New York and all the way up to Boston. Meanwhile, the South looks like it’ll have more dangerous weather to contend with in the form of storms and tornadoes. []

NYPD Officers Shot As de Blasio Delivers State of the City

Two police officers were shot while on patrol in a Bronx public-housing complex last night. The officers encountered two men in a stairwell and one of the men opened fire. A male officer was shot in the face and a female officer was shot in the stomach. The shooter reportedly ran into an apartment and yelled, “I just shot a policewoman. I ain’t going back to jail,” before turning the gun on himself. The two officers are expected to survive. The shooting occurred as Mayor de Blasio was delivering his State of the City address
in the borough. [Capital NY, NYDN]

In Surprising Twist, Clinton and Sanders Have an Actual Debate
Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders faced off in New Hampshire on Thursday night in their first Martin O’Malley–free debate. It was their sharpest exchange yet, with the pair laying out their competing visions of the Democratic Party and clashing over money in politics. Clinton also missed a great opportunity to make a Game of Thrones reference. And she’s usually so up on her pop-culture references.

His Presence Is a Present
In an effort to step up his ground game after his surprising defeat in Iowa, Donald Trump is asking his fans and followers to descend on New Hampshire and lend a hand. In a mass email, he tried to entice volunteers with promises of “potential opportunities to be near Mr. Trump.” That’s a difficult sell since it’s so much cheaper to just stay home and huff hairspray. [NYT]

We’ll Always Have Iowa
The Des Moines Register has called for an audit of the Democratic caucuses, calling the process a “debacle” and saying the results were too close not to be re-examined. Is the coin toss going to be 2016’s hanging chad?

Victory in Republican War on Women
Carly Fiorina, the sole female Republican presidential candidate, known mostly for skimping on pizza and using preschoolers as political props, will not be attending Saturday’s debate, the last before the New Hampshire primary. Maybe she can host a veterans benefit or something instead. [The Hill]

Jeb’s Cry for Help Unheeded
On Thursday, presidential one-time-hopeful Jeb Bush made a hilarious joke about his mother abusing him as a child. “I jokingly say that when we were growing up in Midland, in Houston, that mom was fortunate not to have a child-abuse hotline available,” he said. Other candidates complain about political correctness, but Jeb is the only one actively trying to make everyone uncomfortable. [Politico]

Obama Pulls a Sanders
President Obama announced a whopping new tax on oil yesterday. Under his plan oil companies would pay $10 for every barrel of oil, domestic oil would not be taxed, and the revenue would be invested in clean energy. That’s kind of like asking oil companies to dig their own graves. They needn’t worry; the new tax won’t survive its trip through Congress.

All That Money Wasted on Headshots
Facebook’s formal cousin isn’t doing so hot. LinkedIn’s stock lost nearly a third of its value yesterday. The plummet follows news that the company’s revenues for the year are forecasted to fall below expectations [Bloomberg]

Drunk Apple Users, Your Voices Are Being Heard
It’s about time. Apple has announced a new program to help out its klutzier customers. Beginning this week Apple will accept iPhones with cracked screens, broken cameras, or damaged buttons toward the purchase of a new phone. And for the first time, store employees will be allowed to help customers apply those annoying screen protectors. [The Verge]

Newspapers Apparently Struggling
News Corp., the Rupert Murdochowned publisher behind the New York Post and The Wall Street Journal, announced earnings that fell below analysts’ expectations yesterday. The discrepancy was blamed on the strength of the dollar and a decline in ad sales. Nobody buying or reading newspapers anymore also didn’t help. [Bloomberg]

Playboy Actually Just for the Articles Now
The magazine officially launched its effort to reach a “new generation of readers” on Thursday when the first issue without nude photos hit the stands. Playboy is blaming the widespread availability of pornography online for the move because thanks to the internet it is now actually easier to find pictures of naked women than photos of women wearing clothes. [CNN]

New York Times’ Profits Increase: Not a Joke Headline
The New York Times announced yesterday that its profits have increased thanks to the growing popularity of their digital products. Sadly, since the print newspaper continues to struggle, revenue for the year remained stagnant. To address that situation, the paper announced a comprehensive newsroom review. In the most depressing sentence a journalist can possibly hear, executive editor Dean Baquet said, “Everything we do now has got to include a certain amount of thinking about costs.” [NYT]

The Worst Bet in Vegas
The Las Vegas Review-Journal, which has been closely watched since it was purchased by outspoken conservative billionaire Sheldon Adelson, is in turmoil. A new publisher, Craig Moon, was appointed yesterday; stories that displeased Adelson have been heavily edited or scrubbed all together, and now there are rumors a new editor will be installed as early as today. [Politico]

Here’s a tip: If you’re trying to get people to like you, try not to make a face like this. This brash man-child is, of course, Martin Shkreli, who appeared before the House Committee on Oversight yesterday. He invoked his Fifth Amendment right not to testify, but not before his face could tell them everything they wanted to know.

Bernie Sanders followed up his infamous side-eye with this gem. Watch out Donald Trump, he’s coming for you.

Hungry Sea Lion’s Plan Totally Works
In a bit of life imitating the end of a Pixar movie, a malnourished sea lion pup waddled up to a San Diego fine-dining restaurant yesterday, hopped up to a booth and waited for dinner. It was captured by SeaWorld employees who are nursing it back to health. [CBS]

Iowa City Police Lose Twitter Battle to Goat
A goat escaped from the University of Iowa six days ago and is still on the loose in Iowa City. Goats are always funny, but the cherry on top here is the Twitter beef between the Iowa City police and someone impersonating the goat (we assume the goat is not actually on Twitter). [Iowa Press Citizen]

Assange Victorious in Non-Binding U.N. Finding of Little Significance
A United Nations human-rights panel will announce today that WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange has been arbitrarily detained in London’s Ecuadorian Embassy since 2012. In light of the news, Assange has asked for his passport back and that no one arrest him. London police have said they will absolutely arrest him if he leaves the embassy because it’s only the U.N. and it means nothing. [NYT]

Fresh Intelligence: NYPD Officers Shot in Bronx