The Best New Bot on Twitter Is This Spoof of Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos

Jeff Bezos.

Rob Dubbin, a writer for The Colbert Report and now director of digital for The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, knows Twitter bots. He’s been making them for years, and wrote a very good New Yorker piece in 2013 about the rise of bots as art and entertainment. His latest project, a collaboration with Clickhole writer and very good botmaker Jamie Brew, is Bezos Prime, an automated parody of Amazon.com CEO Jeff Bezos.

Bezos Prime apparently draws on years’ worth of Bezos’s shareholder letters to generate new, lifelike sentences, and it is funny as hell. The results always manage to spoof Bezos’s personality — not entirely un-robotic — or the rise of Amazon as a city-eating, bookstore-destroying monolith that we all use anyway because it’s just so damn convenient. The name, of course, spoofs Amazon Prime.

is it easy to use technology? we can do that

— Jeffrey (@BezosPrime) January 31, 2016

is it easy to use technology? we can do that

— Jeffrey (@BezosPrime) January 31, 2016

it would be impossible to build physical books so we have to learn to build automated machinelearned customers

— Jeffrey (@BezosPrime) January 31, 2016

i know i’ve got no boss but i would like to take a look at more cash

— Jeffrey (@BezosPrime) January 25, 2016

i believe in the first machine. the first machine is the best. the first machine is the heart of amazon, and we believe in this.

— Jeffrey (@BezosPrime) February 2, 2016

It even does tiny little two- and three-part tweetstorms.

(1/2) physical stores! we’ve been working hard to imagine how to build physical stores. the best way is to move quickly and stop trying

— Jeffrey (@BezosPrime) February 2, 2016

(2/2) to find reasons. amazon is now big and more capable of sales. amazon will never be done

— Jeffrey (@BezosPrime) February 2, 2016

Perfect. Just perfect. AMAZON WILL NEVER BE DONE.