Chris Christie is doing fine, and he’d appreciate it if America stopped asking. Donald Trump isn’t holding him hostage; he just believes that the billionaire (who somehow can’t afford to spare his good friend an umbrella) is the leader our country needs. And when Christie types his name into Twitter and sees an endless series of memes depicting his own pained face, he doesn’t get mad — he thinks it’s funny!
And when he eats a bag of M&Ms out of a box of M&Ms, he isn’t trying to inundate himself with chocolate until he forgets his own name — he’s just trying to make the M&Ms easier to hold.
But because you, yet again, misconstrued his public behavior as some kind of “cry for help,” he decided to put aside his gubernatorial duties for the morning and call into a sports radio show, to explain why his method of eating candy is normal and fine.
“There’s a bag inside the box, you dope,” the governor told WFAN’s “Boomer & Carton” Wednesday morning, initiating the following totally normal conservation for a public official to be having in the middle of a workday:
Host: Why would you go bag-to-box? Just eat ‘em out of the bag!
Christie: You know why? Because it’s easier to hold the box than to hold the bag.
Host: So you’re saying a bag of M&Ms is in an M&M bag inside a box of M&Ms? Got it, that’s an interesting maneuver.
Other Host: So it was not to get a bag of M&Ms into … it was just transferring the M&Ms from a soft paper into a box?
Christie: You get the box, you open the box. There’s a bag inside the box — why they do it that way I have no idea — but you open up the bag, you pour the bag into the box, so it’s easier to hold.
This is exactly how Christie always imagined he’d spend 2016, and he’s never been happier in his life.