The First Family of the United States of America has spent the past two days in Cuba. The trip has been highlighted by awkwardness and tensions between President Obama and Cuban president Raúl Castro — though that part was probably lost on all of the vacation-thirsty Americans more focused on trying to figure out the first date that they can find a Havana Airbnb.
But for one of the final acts of the visit, all politics were put on the back burner in favor of that thing we pretend brings us all together: baseball.
The baseball game took place between the Tampa Bay Rays and the Cuban national team, the first exhibition Major League game in Cuba in almost 20 years. I’m sure, for many people, this game is important. And it was, until this moment happened between our POTUS and FLOTUS:
Like many moments in history — most notably the Knowles-Carter elevator scene — the immediate reaction is Where’s the audio? But there is no audio, which is where the fun comes in. What on earth happened?
Well, you kind of know. Barack did something, got a little too fresh, and Michelle was all, Nah, and Barack was like, Come on, girl, you know I was kidding. (But was I? You know you like me, girl.)
My man did the three arm shakes. And went up the arm. That’s classic. The I’m joking … but am I joking? Okay okay okay, I’m joking. I love you, boo. I’ll shut up (unless you don’t want me — okay, I’m done).
I’ve seen some foolish opinions out there that Barack was simply waking Michelle up. No. Don’t even. You can be certain that Michelle is wide awake, because her husband just suggested some utter foolishness and Michelle was like, Normally yes — but not now, you old fool.
One of these exchanges is definitely how it played out.
Barack: Check your DMs.
Michelle: [Opens Twitter, rolls eyes.]
Barack: What? What’d I say? Come on, baby — it’s jokes.
Barack: I sent you a text.
Michelle: [Looks at phone.] Really, the dugout?
Barack: Remember that dugout in Chicago? 8 p.m. That second Wednesday in July. What? I thought I was being romantic. Baby, please.
Barack: Look at my LinkedIn.
Michelle: [Opens LinkedIn.] Really, Barack. You really changed your profession on Linkedin.
Barack: Dicktator. You get it? It’s funny. Because we’re in Cub— Oh, I shouldn’t have done that. Don’t be mad, baby, I’ll change it back.
Barack: Look at your Venmo.
Michelle: [Opens Venmo.] You did not just send me two dollars and the eggplant emoji.
Barack: But I gave you money, baby. Didn’t even request anything. It’s the eggplant, baby. I’m just tryna flirt witcha, girl.
Barack: Check out your Spotify inbox.
Michelle: I have one of those?
Barack: Yeah, trust me, I sent you something.
Michelle: [Opens Spotify.] Wow. “Songs to make out to if we happen to get on the kiss cam at the game in Cuba” — BARACK, I SWEAR.
Barack: I can do this in one call. Just let me kno— I’m sorry, baby. Okay, I won’t. It was just an idea. It’s jokes, baby.
Barack: Check your Snapchat.
Michelle: [Opens Snapchat, closes immediately.] BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA.
Barack: I’ll turn off my phone.