Golden Tee. You’ve seen it — that golf video game, sitting in the corner of a fratty bar. Maybe you’ve even gotten kinda hammered and played it once or twice, bruising your palm something fierce on the game’s trackball. Perhaps you’re even kinda good at it.
But to understand true mastery, you need to watch all seven hours of 2017 Golden Tee World Championships, held in Las Vegas last weekend, with the winner taking home $10,000 (or the equivalent of 10,000 games of Golden Tee).
Here are a few reasons you should watch this seven-hour stream of the world’s best Golden Tee players hitting that trackball over and over again.
One, with utter sincerity, these players are very good. Shots are routinely sliced around the sides of mountains with impressive precision, and missing putts shorter than 20 feet or so is rare.
Two, most of competitors look like a combination of a dad shopping at Sears, Guy Fieri, and someone who’d sell you a car stereo at Best Buy. In other words, these competitors look like real Americans. It makes me want to stand up and salute.
Three, the announcers are seemingly silent for the first 12 minutes or so, before suddenly coming in. They seem very knowledgeable about Golden Tee. And while we cannot be certain of anything, judging from the sounds of drinks being poured and references to “the Captain,” they may be getting pretty sloshed during the whole thing. We like to think it’s in tribute to the late, great Howard Cosell.
If you don’t want to dedicate a whole seven hours, you can skip to about the four-hour mark, where the actual championship match begins. Pour yourself a Captain and enjoy.