Not sure if you heard, but a new Star Wars movie came out last Friday. A new Star Wars means new characters, new scenarios, and new alien planets and ships — but more than anything else, it means new weird fan fiction.
For years, fans have been asking, “Who is the last Jedi?” and more important, “Will Rey and Kylo Ren smash their hot faces together? God, I hope so.” But The Last Jedi has also raised many other important questions, like, “What does porg taste like?” and “There’s an evil BB-8??” (Yes, BB-9E.)
All of this means fans are going nuts online, and there’s a lot of new and incredible writing to pour through. Here are some excerpts.
Fanfic: Litter by BubbaKnowlton
Relationship: Hux–Kylo Ren
Additional Tags: Mpreg, mpreg Ben, Porg Babies, Force Induced Pregnancy, Chubby Porg Babies, Sweaters, Childbirth
Summary: “Ben Solo gives birth to a litter of porglets, and turns to the dark side to protect them.”
He was really tired, but he still wasn’t done. As he bore down, the next baby came down a lot faster than the others. It didn’t stretch him as much, and came out after just a few pushes. It was tinier than its siblings, much weaker looking. Like the first one, it took a while before it woke up and started squirming. Its peeping was much quieter than the others. He’d have to keep a close eye on it to make sure it grew up okay.
The last one took a bit of time, only because he was exhausted. All of the babies peeped at him, and Ben wondered if maybe they were concerned about him. He struggled to catch his breath as he cleaned up the seventh baby. He wiped himself clean, and got rid of the towel underneath him. Some sort of fleshy mass came out of him as he cleaned up. He threw it away, disgusted. Hopefully, it was meant to come out. He had no idea what it was.
After cleaning off the bed, he put on pants and laid down on his side, lifting each of the babies up and putting them near his chest. They huddled up against him for warmth, and one suddenly latched onto his nipple. “Hey-” Before he could brush them away, he realized it was drinking. His face felt hot. He hadn’t known he could nurse them.
Here’s Hux and Kylo Ren imagined as slavs in an alternate universe.
Fanfic Title: Monochrome by Artemis1000
Additional Tags: Past Relationship(s), Angst, Whump, Treat, Female Droids
Summary: “On a mission, BB-8 runs into BB-9E and gets a painful reminder that some things are forever lost.”
Poe was deep in the heart of the base, planting explosives in the main reactor of the First Order outpost while BB-8 had been on the way to the computer hub. Neither of them had expected Kylo Ren or BB-9E to be here, they shouldn’t be here, the outpost was far too unimportant.
BB-8 forced herself to shut down all the processes that fed her growing fear for her pilot or fretted about how their mission could have gone so wrong. That didn’t matter, they could run simulations once they were safely back in outer space. Nobody could beat Poe in the air.
BB-8 sped up.
The droids smashed into another with a loud metallic noise, shockers out and already rearing for action, every grasping attachment striving to tear into the other.
They tore into another with a viciousness that startled BB-8, one that would have also surprised most people who knew sweet, friendly BB-8. Not Poe, though, Poe would understand. Poe knew how vicious she could be when she was fighting to protect her loved ones.
BB-9E understood, too. She had once been one of these loved ones.
Fanfic Title: All of Your Tomorrows by Valkurion
Additional Tags: Femslash, wlw, Emotional, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Romance, Reconciliation, Redemption, Lesbians, Yuri, Kissing, Crying, Lots of Crying, Protection, Comfort, Homosexuality, Lesbian Kissing, Girl On Girl, Women Loving Women
Summary: “When Rey finds her way to the rendezvous point where Chewbacca and Artoo wait for her, she finds Phasma intruding on the Falcon. They come to a struggling agreement to fly to Krate together, and Phasma soon finds herself reevaluating who she really is, as the First Order faces the threat of a new leadership at a perilous point.”
“Dust… to dust…” Phasma wept, struggling to keep it all together for the first time in her life. Everything had been hard, just living, just surviving. So much so that it had become second nature to Phasma. But this was the hardest fight Phasma had fought.
The fight to become herself. Finally.
The slender and weeping brunette drew herself closer to Captain Phasma and kissed her compassionately, filling the weeping blonde with strength, as much as she could, as their thoughts spiralled and sank. All either could think was that this kiss felt good, warm, natural. A kiss Phasma had never ever received nor given, but Rey wanted her to have it. She reached all the way back into Phasma’s memory and gave her the feeling the blonde had never had.
Love. Rey loved her, through all the feelings and atrocities. Through everything, Rey felt herself love the Captain. All at once, she could not help it. Phasma was broken, and Rey was too. But she was going to help the blonde. With love, more than she could even imagine.
Fanfic Title: Star Wars by Nircele
Tags: English, Humor/Parody, Yoda, Finn, Poe D.
Summary: Ghost Yoda visits Finn and Poe and they’re all horny.
“What the fuck,” Poe said, staring at the little green person in front of him.
“Who the fuck,” corrected the … thing. “Yoda, I am. Teach you the ways of the gay, I shall.”
“What the fuck,” said Poe for the third time.
Someone knocked on his door.
“Um, Poe?” came Finn’s voice. “I need some help with this thing.”
The Yoda thing waggled its slightly shimmering brows at Poe. “The Effin, you shall get.”
“His name is Finn, not F-N,” Poe said before he could stop himself.
Yoda looked him up and down. “Hmm,” it said. “Not what I said, that was.”
Fanfic Title: That Scavenger Girl by ArSommers
Relationship: Rey/Space nuns
Tags: English, Humor/Parody, Yoda, Finn, Poe D.
Summary: “Rey upsets the Caretakers one more time.”
It was worse than they expected: the wind from the Falcon had knocked over anything that wasn’t cemented to the ground, including their carefully constructed clotheslines and the wheelbarrows not stored in the sheds.
(Okay, I guess technically this isn’t slashfic … yet?)