You may have heard there’s a viral thing going around this month where people throw cheese at their kids and film it for the internet. Specifically, they throw cheese at their children’s faces. Are you confused? Okay. Here’s a clip carefully selected because the child in it is audibly laughing and looks none the worse for wear. (Though what do I know? I am not a doctor. For all I know, this kid will be lying on a couch in a therapist’s office decades from now processing why he just can’t maintain meaningful relationships when, suddenly, he’ll be overcome by emotion and scream, “The cheese!”)
The cheese thing — calling it a “prank” or “challenge” feels wrong since it’s not really prankish or challenging if you spring something on an unsuspecting baby who looks to you for everything it needs to survive — was started by a dad in Michigan named Charles Amara, Eater reports. He has since taken down his original Facebook video, likely due to flak. Maybe consider following his lead. Or, if you insist on throwing dairy products at your spawn, here’s a very official and definitely legitimate ranking of the best cheeses for the job.
Photo: Maximilian Stock Ltd./Getty Images
Do not throw this at a baby. I don’t care if you bought a tub of it to make some dish and you only needed 2/3 of the tub and it’s been sitting in your fridge teetering on the brink of going bad. Don’t do it. Your kid won’t like it and you will then be responsible for cleaning smeared ricotta off of them. You’ll be responsible. If you’re the kind of person throwing cheese at your baby in the first place, maybe you just won’t bother.
Photo: Basilios/Getty Images
This is not even real cheese. If you throw cream cheese at your baby, you’re just throwing food at a child and not even attempting to participate in the viral zeitgeist. Skip it. Go get yourself a bagel instead. Your child will thank you for it. Get me one too, while you’re out. Everything with cucumber and tomato and a little salt and pepper. Not toasted. Thanks.
Photo: Steve Cohen/Getty Images
A contentious cheese among adult palates, so what makes you think your child, who eats mostly smashed, goopy foods, is going to want to be anywhere near such a funky cheese? Nope. Definitely not. Do not throw this cheese at children. Hell, do not throw this cheese at adults.
Photo: Dorling Kindersley/Getty Images
There’s just too much work involved here. Are you scooping the cheese out of the rind entirely? Are you throwing rind at your baby? Can babies even eat soft cheese like brie or is that dangerous for their developing immune systems and gut?
Photo: Dorling Kindersley/Getty Images
The crumbliness here could be fun. Feta likely won’t stick to your child, which doesn’t give you the satisfaction of a shot of your baby with cheese stuck to her face for the internet to like, share, and repost. On the other hand, easy cleanup. Since you’ll mostly be cleaning the floor and not your squirming child.
Photo: AlasdairJames/Getty Images
Kind of wrong for the spirit of the challenge but still could be a fun twist. Plus, I imagine, if I were a baby, I’d enjoy having a gentle snow of shake cheese — is the jury still out on whether or not it’s made of wood chips? — falling down upon my head.
Photo: Abbie Images/Getty Images
Honestly, cheddar is a boring cheese, but it’ll work fine for these purposes. Just make sure it’s thinly sliced so as to give you that nice thwap sound when it hits your kid’s face and not a thunk sound indicating you may have concussed your child. Plus, it’s not terribly expensive as far as decent tasting cheeses go.
Photo: Burwell Photography/Getty Images
I understand the appeal here. Really, I do. Chances are, if you’re raising little kids, you might have these readily at hand. The orange color — yes, I know they come in white, too — looks good on camera and on skin. And that slimy coating, the one that should remind you, an adult, to eat literally any other cheese, is great for ensuring it sticks to your baby.
Photo: Yevgen Romanenko/Getty Images
Swiss is an inherently funny cheese. It is cheese. But full of holes. Hole cheese! Look at it! It’s so silly looking. This whole thing is silly, so why not use the silliest cheese around? Plus, it seems like the holes might make it easier for your kid to breathe if the cheese lands on their mouth. Or see if it lands on their eyes.
Photo: Juan Monino/Getty Images
After long and careful deliberation and testing (I did no testing, this is a lie) it is clear that a nice, thin slice of Gouda is the winner. Excellent, vibrant color. Good on-face feel. A+ sticky factor. And, as a bonus, it tastes good for when you’re done performatively abusing your child for content and want to eat a snack.
Disclaimer: Intelligencer does not endorse throwing cheese at your baby. Make yourself a nice, melty sandwich instead and call it a day.
The surprisingly simple story of how the National Enquirer received Jeff Bezos’s texts
Amazon.com Inc. founder Jeff Bezos and his allies have publicly speculated about how the National Enquirer acquired racy texts he sent his girlfriend, including at one point hinting Saudi Arabia or the White House may have been involved.
The reality is simpler: Michael Sanchez, the brother of Mr. Bezos’ lover, sold the billionaire’s secrets for $200,000 to the Enquirer’s publisher, said people familiar with the matter.
In most cases, the company’s source agreements require it to pay for information upon publication; if a story is never published, American Media doesn’t have to pay. By contrast, the contract with Mr. Sanchez stipulated he was to paid upfront, regardless of whether any story was published, the people familiar with the contract said.
Prepare for a legal battle over who gets to see the Mueller report, and in what order
White House lawyers expect to have an opportunity to review whatever version of Robert Mueller’s report Attorney General Bill Barr submits to Congress before it reaches lawmakers and the public, multiple sources familiar with the matter said, setting up a potential political battle over the hotly anticipated document.
The attorneys want the White House to have an opportunity to claim executive privilege over information drawn from documents and interviews with White House officials, the sources said.
While Trump’s personal attorney Rudy Giuliani suggested privilege could be used to keep parts of the report from public view, the issue is up to the White House, not the President’s personal attorneys.
Startling numbers in a city that is around 25 percent black
At Stuyvesant High School, out of 895 slots in the freshman class, only seven were offered to black students. And the number of black students is shrinking: There were 10 black students admitted into Stuyvesant last year, and 13 the year before.
Jumaane Williams, the city’s newly elected public advocate and a graduate of Brooklyn Tech, said his opposition to completely scrapping the test remains unchanged. “The numbers are abysmal, we knew that,” said Mr. Williams, who is black. “The question is what do we do about it, how do we do it without needlessly pitting communities against each other?”
Though black and Hispanic students make up nearly 70 percent of New York City’s public school system as a whole, just over 10 percent of students admitted into the city’s eight specialized high schools were black or Hispanic, according to statistics released Monday by the city. That percentage is flat compared to last year.
Meet Medicare for America, the healthcare solution Beto O’Rourke will campaign on
In brief, here’s what the bill authored by [Rep. Rosa] DeLauro and [Rep. Jan] Schakowsky and now embraced by O’Rourke would do:
The uninsured, people currently purchasing insurance in the Obamacare marketplaces, Medicaid beneficiaries, and newborns would automatically be enrolled into an improved Medicare program, which would continue to cover seniors as well.
Employers could continue to offer private insurance, so long as it meets certain federal standards. Companies could also elect to send their workers to the public program and pay a contribution toward their employees’ costs. Likewise, workers could voluntarily leave their job’s insurance for the new public plan.
Participants would be required to pay premiums, on a sliding scale based on their income; people with lower incomes would pay no premium at all. Out-of-pocket costs would also be based on income and capped at $3,500 for an individual or $5,000 for a family.
Doctors would be paid Medicare rates, with an additional increase provided for primary care doctors and mental health services.
Princeton University economist Alan Krueger, who served as chairman of President Barack Obama’s Council of Economic Advisers and was one of the profession’s top experts on the labor market, has died at the age of 58.
The New Jersey school announced his death in a statement on its website Monday, without giving a cause. Sergeant Fred Williams, a spokesman for the Princeton Police Department, separately said that police found Krueger inside his home on Saturday morning and he was later pronounced dead. An autopsy is being conducted to determine the cause, and the police do not suspect foul play, Williams said.
Krueger, who had been a professor at Princeton since 1987, served in Obama’s White House from 2011 to 2013 after a stint as the Treasury Department’s assistant secretary for economic policy. In addition, he served as chief economist at the Labor Department for a year during President Bill Clinton’s administration.
“this morning, Beto O’Rourke announced that he raised more money than us on the first day of his presidential campaign. The good news is, we more than likely had a lot more individual donations than he did.
Yet another in a long line of Parliamentary defeats for Theresa May
The House of Commons Speaker has thwarted any attempt by Theresa May to bring a third meaningful vote to parliament, unless there has been substantial change to the Brexit deal.
With Theresa May’s plans thrown into chaos by the move, one of her chief law officers warned the government could be forced to cut short the parliamentary session and restart in order to bring back the Brexit deal.
John Bercow’s shock move, which drew immediate criticism from May’s allies, suggested he believed such a fundamental change would involve a renegotiation at EU level rather than clarification of the legal advice written by the attorney general, something that had been suggested this week.
The solicitor general, Robert Buckland, said the decision was a “constitutional crisis” and that the government might have to consider the drastic step of ending the parliamentary session early and restarting a new session.
The House plans to probe the rise of white nationalism
The House Judiciary Committee is planning on hosting a hearing in the coming weeks addressing the rise of white nationalism in the U.S. and the hate crime and hate speech surrounding the movement, according to two sources with direct knowledge of the committee’s schedule.
The hearing comes on the heels of two mass shootings at mosques in Christchurch, New Zealand that killed 50 people. According to local law enforcement, the man charged with those attacks wrote a manifesto outlining his white nationalistic ideology as well as his anti-immigrant and anti-Muslim views. …
Though plans are still being finalized, the committee expects to bring in officials from within the Department of Homeland Security and the FBI for questioning on the rise of white nationalism in the U.S and the efforts the agencies are currently adopting to combat it. One lawmaker said the goal is to “have a hearing in early April.”
The feds are taking an interest in Trump buddy Elliot Broidy
Federal authorities raided the office of Republican fundraiser Elliott Broidy last summer, seeking records related to his dealings with foreign officials and Trump administration associates, according to a sealed search warrant obtained by ProPublica.
Agents were authorized to use the megadonor’s hands and face to unlock any phones that required fingerprint or facial scans. …
The search warrant cites three potential crimes that authorities are investigating: conspiracy, money laundering and violations of the law barring covert lobbying on behalf of foreign officials. To obtain a search warrant, authorities have to convince a judge that there’s a probable cause they will find evidence of those specific crime
Why it wasn’t hard to find the horrific New Zealand mass shooting video online hours after it was first posted
As a grisly video recorded by the alleged perpetrator of Friday’s bloody massacres at two New Zealand mosques played out on YouTube and other social media, Neal Mohan, 3,700 miles away in San Bruno, Calif., had the sinking realization that his company was going to be overmatched — again.
Mohan, YouTube’s chief product officer, had assembled his war room — a group of senior executives known internally as “incident commanders” who jump into crises, such as when footage of a suicide or shooting spreads online.
The team worked through the night, trying to identify and remove tens of thousands of videos — many repackaged or recut versions of the original footage that showed the horrific murders. As soon as the group took down one, another would appear, as quickly as one per second in the hours after the shooting, Mohan said in an interview.