hillary clinton

Who Ordered This Clinton Comeback Tour

Photo: Zach Gibson/Getty Images

What a busy Monday morning for everyone, especially President Trump. He has filled his schedule with tweets: Tweets about civil war, tweets that threaten whistle-blowers, tweets about the fake news media; all disturbing amplifications of his usual propensity for grievance-mongering.

Yes, that’s right, the President of the United States is idly wondering if it is possible to arrest a congressman for treason. If this is too much excitement for you, perhaps you would like to know: Where is Hillary Clinton? I would like to state clearly that I have not asked myself this question once in the last two years, but I can understand why some people might wonder about her. She did, after all, win the popular vote. Now, there is an answer.

Clinton is promoting the new children’s book that she authored with her daughter, Chelsea, and in the process of selling it, has offered up some new pearls of wisdom. Asked by Jane Pauley of CBS News if she thought it would be harder for a woman to defeat Trump next year, the former secretary of state said that she didn’t think so. “Look, there were many funny things that happened in my election that will not happen again. And I’m hoping that both the public and press understand the way Trump plays the game,” she said. Clinton implies that Trump stole or rigged the election — elsewhere in the interview, she refers to him as “an illegitimate president” — and that this explains her loss.

“You know, Jane, it was like applying for a job and getting 66 million letters of recommendation and losing to a corrupt human tornado,” she added. Corrupt! Human! Tornado! An astonishing turn of phrase that she apparently thought worth repeating this morning:

I am a connoisseur of insults and I must confess that this one doesn’t meet my standards. “Human tornado” sounds like a compliment, or something your parents once did in a club. (Not my parents. Baptists do not frequent such establishments, thank you.) Dennis the Menace is a human tornado. Pigpen, of Peanuts fame? Human tornado, subtype: dirt. Megan Rapinoe is a human tornado on the soccer field. But Trump is a sedentary creature. He likes junk food, Twitter, and golf, which requires a lot of standing around. A tornado he is not.

Is he corrupt? Yes. Is he a destructive force? Certainly. Clinton is not in a position to do anything about either fact except say things, like Russia did not make me run a shoddy campaign and I’m sorry and My good friend Joe Biden does not have the cognitive wherewithal to defeat Donald Trump. Barring those possibilities, she could at least come up with better insults. This is barely a step up from Donald Drumpf.

But her hamfisted attempt to clown on the president might be the least objectionable thing to come out of her mouth over the last several days. As the Cut reported earlier on Monday, Clinton isn’t too bothered by Biden’s touchy-feely tendencies, and would like us all to move on. “We can pick apart anybody. I mean, that’s a great spectator sport. But this man who’s there in the Oval Office right now poses a clear and present danger to the future of the United States … So get over it,” she told People magazine. Yass queen!

Clinton’s showed no interest in running for president again. But if this is her version of a comeback, a new grab for relevance right when a prominent former Democratic candidate for president might be a useful campaigner for someone else, it’s going to backfire. All she’s doing is making herself radioactive.

‘Corrupt Human Tornado’ Is A Terrible Insult