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Take a lovely cruise (a free one, at that!) to an exotic island where fruity rum drinks are served in coconut shell-inspired glasses. Sounds great, right? Beware. A forty-five-minute bus ride brings you to a strip-mall hell of Kafkaesque proportions, where you'll find this suburban Chinese joint serving flaming "Polynesian" specialties along with the usual MSG-laden fare. Drinks with names like Pineapple Paradise are tasty enough (and so sugary, your hangover will be more like a case of diabetes). But by the time you get here, you'll need six of them in order to calm down. Just don't miss the last bus back to the ferry. — Jenifer Van Vleck

Order Coconut Chicken (one of the Polynesian dishes), and you'll get regular ol' Sweet & Sour Chicken, mixed with Maraschino cherries and liberally topped with coconut shavings. Mmmm.